اول از همه دفترچه ات را تبریک میگویم و برایت آرزوی موفقیت می کنم
اگر مایل باشی می توانم متنت را تصحیح کنم، اگرچه ممکن است اصلاحاتِ من عاری از اشکالات نباشند
به طورِ کلی، فکر می کنم که اگر سعی می کردی ساده تر بنویسی بهتر می شد. همچنین پیشنهادِ دوّمِ من این است که در انتخابِ کلمات دقتِ بیشتر داشته باشی، چون که برخی از کلماتی که به کار بردی مناسب نیست
به هر حال، اصلا نباید ناامید شوی، مطمئنم خیلی زود پیشرفت خواهی کرد
Of course, if you have trouble following the explanations I gave you in Persian, we can switch back to English.
Aóristos wrote:خواستم / تصمیم گرفتم این دفترچه را آغاز کنم تا پیشرفتم را یادداشت کنم و به سوالاتم درباره دستور زبان و معنی کلمات پاسخ داده شود
نویسه گردانی اسمِ آهنگ های ایرانی که گوش می کنم را هم خواهم نوشت تا با الفبای فارسی آشناتر شوم
لغتنامه ام را خیلی دوست دارم. اگر نداشتمش، نمی توانستم این جمله ها را بنویسم
به نکاتِ زیر دقت کن
→ The verb خواستن should come right before the clause it introduces.
→ I also gave you the verb تَصمیم گرفتن (to decide) as a possible alternative to خواستن, it is followed by the subjunctive too.
→ ساختن translates to make as in 'building', 'constructing' or 'fabricating', so the verb آغاز کردن ('to start', transitive) is preferable here.
→ پیشرفت is the correct word for 'progress'.
→ نگاشتن is a very literary sounding verb which is a synonym of نوشتن, that's why I thought that یادداشت کردن ('to note', 'to jot down') was more appropriate here.
→ پاسخ داده شود is the passive form of پاسخ دهد (subjunctive).
→ You forgot the verb in the first clause of your second sentence. When I started reading it, the من هم part at the beginning made me expect a verb in the first person after گوش دهم. The whole sentence is shaky because of that, so I have added a verb (نوشتن) in the future tense.
→ Notice the را that comes directly after the verb as the first clause is the object of نوشتن.
→ The هم should always come after the را.
→ The expression با چیزی آشنا شدن means 'to become familiar with something'.
→ نام sounds a bit bookish, اسم is usually prefered in a non formal context.
→ ترانه only applies to a specific variety of songs, the words آهنگ has a broader meaning.
→ لغتنامه or واژهنامه is more frequent than فرهنگ as far as i know.
→ the preposition بی isn't commonly used in contemporary Iranian Persian, it only remains in a set of fixed expressions and compounds (such as بی تو, بی وفایی, بی ثباتی etc). So, instead of بی این I suppose you could say اگر نداشتمش, with the third person object suffix اش added at the end of the verb داشتن.
→ داشتن and توانستن are in the past imperfect because we are using the irrealis mood ('If I didn't have it, I wouldn't have been able to write these sentences').
Take all my remarks with a pinch of salt though, because I'm far from being an expert
Ideally, a native speaker would be able to give you a definitive answer on those points.