Moderator: OldBoring

User avatar
Posts: 909
Joined: 2002-06-28, 14:15
Real Name: Judith Meyer
Gender: female
Country: DE Germany (Deutschland)


Postby Junesun » 2005-05-30, 12:21

This thread is for people who would like to have a correction of Chinese texts they wrote or exercises they did.
Corrections of forum posts or questions about grammar don't belong here.

Please indicate whether you'd like to receive the correction as a private forum message, e-mail or as a post on this thread (so that others may learn as well).

Those correcting are asked to post at least a message "Has been corrected" in this thread even if they sent out the correction by pm / e-mail, so that no text will be corrected twice.

User avatar
Posts: 909
Joined: 2002-06-28, 14:15
Real Name: Judith Meyer
Gender: female
Country: DE Germany (Deutschland)

Postby Junesun » 2005-05-30, 12:53

I'll launch the first help request as well: please correct this text that I wrote as a revision. You can correct me here or send me a pm or e-mail, it doesn't matter.

我每个星期二早上六点起床。六点二十五分我和我家人一起吃早饭。然后我跟我父亲一起坐汽车去Duisburg。他去工作,我去大学。我从八点半有课,所以我到D 的时候还早。第一课,从八点半到十点,是信息学。第二课,从十点到十一点半是翻译法文的课。然后我快去食堂吃中饭。我没有很多时间吃饭因为第三课十二点开始。十六点才下课。我累坐公共汽车去火车站,坐火车去Moers,坐公共汽车去Ka-Li。 从Duisubrg大学到我家去要一个半小时。我在家的时候马上休息,不做作业。上网聊天比做作业很有意思。

Thank you!

User avatar
Posts: 890
Joined: 2003-05-29, 5:16
Real Name: 君君
Gender: male
Location: :o)
Country: KP North Korea (조선)

Postby 勺园之鬼 » 2005-06-01, 0:38

Junesun wrote:我每个星期二早上六点起床。六点二十五分我和我家人一起吃早饭。然后我跟我父亲一起坐汽车去Duisburg。他去工作,我去大学。我从八点半有课,所以我到D 的时候还早。第一课,从八点半到十点,是信息学。第二课,从十点到十一点半是翻译法文的课。然后我快去食堂吃中饭。我没有很多时间吃饭因为第三课十二点开始。十六点才下课。我累坐公共汽车去火车站,坐火车去Moers,坐公共汽车去Ka-Li。 从Duisubrg大学到我家去要一个半小时。我在家的时候马上休息,不做作业。上网聊天比做作业很有意思。

It's generally very good and I didn't spot many real mistakes. Only a few points:

It depends what sort of course it is. Here it sound like "translate french classes". You should say, if this is French-German, "法德翻译课", if this is Chinese-French, "汉法翻译课"... etc.

By 中饭 you certainly mean lunch? That's indeed one of the meanings, but be careful as it can also mean "Chinese food". "午饭" is prefered since it means only lunch. This is not a mistake obviously. ;)

Here there is a little problem. Keep in mind that (except in some complex sentences) Chinese will always mention the cause first and the consequence next. I recommand to say "因为第三课十二点开始" first.
Also, "我没有很多时间吃饭" is a bit odd and has a western flavour, prefer a sentence like "我吃饭(的)时间比较短/很短".

Chinese almost never use 24h time. It's better to say "下午四点下课" or even "四点下课" as it's rather obvious with the context, and also because it is unlikely you finish class at 4 a.m. ;) Compliments on your use of 才 which is very accurate here.

Here you probably didn't mean to use the verb "累坐" which means something I don't really know how to explain in English.
If you mean "I'm tired to take the bus to go to the rail station", you should say "(我)坐公共汽车去火车站使我很累". I believe you probably want to say "when I'm tired I take the bus to to the station", this would be "我累时/我累的时候 坐公共汽车去火车站".

That's much better without "去".

Here if you mean "when I arrive at home I rest immediately", you should use "到" instead of "在". It is a bit like saying "when I am at home I rest immediately", but the use of "马上" involves you 'are' not at home but you just arrived there.
Another correction about the style, I would say: "我一到家就休息、不做作业。" = As soon as I get home I rest and I don't do my homework.
I don't know if you know that way to use "一" + verb + "就" + verb, which involves a quasi-simultaneity of two actions, usually translated as: "as soon as" + verb + (nothing) + verb.

Here "很" is not adequate; you cannot use it in a comparison and have either to replace it with "更", or write nothing.
This is something many foreigners have problems with, I remember that friends who studied also in advanced level still had that problem.
Let me give some examples:
我学得比你好。I study better than you. (standard comparison)
我学得比你更好。This is more or less the same meaning; perhaps the degree is a bit higher than the previous sentence, it's usually used to emphacise on the object of the comparison.
我学得比你好多。I study much better than you. Now there is obviously a much higher level. Note that "比你更好多" is not correct.

Well, as you noticed, there are not many mistakes, rather problems with style (like me in English :lol:), and the mistakes can be easily corrected in the future. Congratulations for it, I encourage you to keep on writing; why not arguing, trying to raise a debate on a given topic next time? :) You can probably argue in Chinese already, and that would be the best way for you to improve your written Chinese.

Sorry if I am not clear with my explanations, it's already very late and I'm a bit asleep. ;)

Posts: 15
Joined: 2005-05-31, 15:40
Real Name: Shane Lau
Gender: male
Location: London / Hong Kong
Country: GB United Kingdom (United Kingdom)

Postby shingrila » 2005-06-01, 19:44

Junesun wrote:
我每个星期二早上六点起床。六点二十五分我和我家人一起吃早饭。然后我跟我父亲一起坐汽车去Duisburg。他去工作,我去大学。我从八点半有课,所以我到D 的时候还早。第一课,从八点半到十点,是信息学。第二课,从十点到十一点半是翻译法文的课。然后我快去食堂吃中饭。我没有很多时间吃饭因为第三课十二点开始。十六点才下课。我累坐公共汽车去火车站,坐火车去Moers,坐公共汽车去Ka-Li。 从Duisubrg大学到我家去要一个半小时。我在家的时候马上休息,不做作业。上网聊天比做作业很有意思。

just a few more points to add:


他去工作 is correct, but it'll sound more idiomatic if you say 他去上班; 我去大學 seems to me that you're only saying you go to university (=you're a university student) instead of "you're now physically going to the university", which would be 我去上學

"我从八点半有课,所以我到D 的时候还早。"

it's better to say "我從八點半開始有課" rather than "我从八点半有课" cos it doesn't sound complete and it's an obvious word-by-word translation from "I have class from 8 o'clock"

also, the fact that you have classes from 8 o'clock doesn't explain why it is still early when you got to D, so there is a logical error in using the conjunction 所以

"第一课,从八点半到十点,是信息学。" doesn't sound very Chinese and the use of the punctuation is not correct, either.

you can say: 從八點半到十點鐘是信息學,是今天的第一科。

"第二课,从十点到十一点半是翻译法文的课。" has more or less the same problem.

you can say: 第二課是從十點到十一點半的法語翻譯課。

翻譯 should be the head-word of the noun phrase "法語翻譯" and 法語 modifies 翻譯 so it should be put before 翻譯. This noun phrase is again embedded in a larger noun phrase 法語翻譯課 where 課 is the head-word and the noune phrase 法語翻譯 modifies 課


it sounds a bit awkward to me without using any connectives in this sentence to show the chronological order, you should omit the first comma because that's unnecessary and you can use 然後 (then) to show the temporal relationship:

因為太累了,所以我坐公共汽車去火車站乘火車到 Moers 去,然後再坐公車去 Ka-Li.

please feel free to ask if there's anything you're not sure about

this is a very good piece of work actually, i'm just being picky, hope you don't mind.

Return to “Chinese (中文)”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest