Gender thread

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What is your gender identity?

Agender
2
4%
Aliagender
0
No votes
Ambigender
0
No votes
Androgyne
0
No votes
Bigender
0
No votes
Cis man
23
51%
Cis woman
4
9%
Demiboy
1
2%
Demigirl
1
2%
Demienby
0
No votes
Feminine-of-Center
2
4%
Genderfluid
0
No votes
Genderless
1
2%
Genderqueer
1
2%
Masculine-of-Center
0
No votes
Multigender
0
No votes
Neutrois
2
4%
Pangender
0
No votes
Polygender
0
No votes
Third gender
0
No votes
(Trans) feminine
2
4%
Trans man
0
No votes
(Trans) masculine
0
No votes
Trans woman
2
4%
Trigender
0
No votes
Other/not listed
4
9%
 
Total votes: 45

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Lauren
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Re: Gender thread

Postby Lauren » 2015-08-01, 9:24

Koko wrote:
Lauren wrote:You should only use the pronouns that the person has indicated you should use.

So in the situation I had explained I should only ever use ne? I'll respect that if I need to (as in I meet somebody who prefers only one pronoun).

Thanks for the clarification ^^

Yes, you should use the pronouns the person asked you to use, in this case "ne".
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Re: Gender thread

Postby vijayjohn » 2015-08-01, 16:15

Maybe I should try rephrasing my earlier question now: What about if you're talking to people who never knew the person came out as trans (and so refer to the person using one set of pronouns), but you know the person actually wants people to use certain other pronouns even though the person never directly told you so?

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Re: Gender thread

Postby Koko » 2015-08-01, 17:44

I imagine you'd use the pronouns this person wants, and correct the people who don't know to respect their wishes. Given they've spoken about this on a public blog, it doesn't seem to violate their privacy or anything and can only benefit them for the others to know.

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Re: Gender thread

Postby vijayjohn » 2015-08-01, 18:56

Thanks, Koko! I'd also like to see what Lauren or another trans user here thinks about it to make sure, though.

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razlem
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Re: Gender thread

Postby razlem » 2015-08-01, 21:43

Lauren wrote:You should only use the pronouns that the person has indicated you should use.

They is a catch-all though. While it would be wrong to misgender them (i.e. using apronoun that has a gender assigned to it), "they" has no gender attached and can be used in place of any other. But if they've expressed a preference for a specific pronoun, you'd use that first.
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Re: Gender thread

Postby Koko » 2015-08-01, 21:51

I think I saw a tumblr post mentioning that during this person's transition "she" and "they" didn't sit well in the person's stomach. I can't remember what pronoun was preferred, but "they" can apparently cause some dysphoria.

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Re: Gender thread

Postby razlem » 2015-08-01, 21:57

Koko wrote:I think I saw a tumblr post mentioning that during this person's transition "she" and "they" didn't sit well in the person's stomach. I can't remember what pronoun was preferred, but "they" can apparently cause some dysphoria.

Then in that case, you would not use 'they' for that person.
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chongjasmine
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Re: Gender thread

Postby chongjasmine » 2015-08-07, 9:17

Female. And proud to be female.

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Re: Gender thread

Postby Varislintu » 2015-08-11, 18:36

chongjasmine wrote:Female. And proud to be female.


If I may ask, what does that mean for you, being proud of being female?
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Re: Gender thread

Postby Koko » 2015-09-28, 7:08

I think I've just had my first experience with gender dysphoria, See here for what it may have been.

This actually made me wonder how far from "male" do I really disassociate myself with. I still feel like "male," but the other part of my gender (whatever it may be) seems to have grown a bit since taking the label demiguy. It also makes me wonder if I will begin to not like being called by "he" anymore. Right now, I don't mind it, and truly consider it less referring to my gender and more that it is to my sex. But what if I no longer like "he?" :| That example (it was an example that made me think all this!) caused me more distress than it probably should have.

Forget what I said about it being sky, I think that's been no longer the case for a while. For now, it truly feels like a black void, waiting to be filled, but that being an unlikely future.

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Re: Gender thread

Postby dEhiN » 2015-10-01, 5:47

So the "Superseding 'Gender'" thread and in particular Koko's comments (in that thread) plus the list of genders in the poll at the beginning of this thread has gotten me thinking. About my gender. Which is something I never thought I'd do. I'll share a bit of background first before I get into my current thoughts. (Warning: this post may become a bit long).

I'v never questioned my gender before. But then yesterday or the day before I started thinking how even though I am able to split gender from biological sex wrt to others who consider their gender to be non-cis male or non-cis female, I've never done it for myself. I'm comfortable, due to my sexual orientation, to thinking outside the non-binary spectrum. But I realized for myself I still had gender and biological sex attached. So I thought of myself as male since I'm biologically male and have no desire to change my external sexual characteristics (and of course I know that those alone don't make up the biological sex designation). Anyway so as I started to open my mind and split the two concepts as they applied to me, I looked in the mirror and didn't quite see myself as male. Then I saw the poll on this thread and read the terms of demigender/boy/girl/enby. I looked them up - bigender, demigender, demiboy, demigirl, and demienby. And demiboy seemed to possibly fit. For some reason demigender sits with me more so than genderfluid or agender. But I haven't actually looked up all the different gender types to see which fits the best. I do know that demienby doesn't quite fit, but I'm also not sure if demiboy fully fits.

I'm quite confused right now when I stop to think about it. I was hanging out with a friend today, someone who whenever I've hung out with her, I've always felt really drawn to her. And now as I analyze that feeling, I wonder if the drawing comes from some part of me that wants to be female. Or maybe not female. But some part of me that wants to be her. To be in her skin. To experience a female point of view. (When I say "to be her", "in her skin", I'm envisioning an idea of everything that's me separate from my physical body - so like personality, soul, etc. - be in her physical body). Now afaik she identifies as cis female and has always done so.

But another thing that confuses me is that in the past I've been someone who gets swayed by other people easily. It's due to people-pleasing tendencies and stuff that I never worked on until recently. So I can still get that way sometimes. So basically I'm not sure if I'm being influenced at a subconscious level by what I am focusing on - others who are questioning their gender or who don't identify with cis genders - or this is actually something that is within me and has just taken 32 years to start to come out.

On top of all that are questions and fears about if all this questioning turns out to be the real me, and I realize that I'm not cis male (anymore?), what does that mean for how I relate to friends and family? Would I be able to tell them this? Would I need to? If I do (either because I need to, or just choose to), how would they react? When I came out as pansexual, most of my friends and family were very supportive. But even then I felt the need to quickly switch terms to bisexual so it was something others could get.

I think I'm not really sure how to proceed here. I'm not really sure how to figure out what's going on within me.
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Re: Gender thread

Postby vijayjohn » 2015-10-01, 6:04

Wow, honestly, I wish I had gone half as far as you already have in questioning your own gender.

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Re: Gender thread

Postby Koko » 2015-10-01, 6:09

Have you considered your gender is possibly bigender? As far as I'm aware, this means that you are fluid in your two genders (which contrasts demigender, where you are two at all times, at least for me. A demigirl, for example, might be fluid?). Do you feel fluid in being male and female (or any combination of any two genders)? (I think bigender can cover demigender too)

If you feel like demiboy better suits you, then by all means use it (I can't be one to tell you who you are).

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Re: Gender thread

Postby dEhiN » 2015-10-01, 6:57

vijayjohn wrote:Wow, honestly, I wish I had gone half as far as you already have in questioning your own gender.

Are you questioning your gender?

Koko wrote:Have you considered your gender is possibly bigender?

To be honest, I think now that I'm starting to separate out gender from biological sex, I need to find or figure out a defintion of gender that works for me. I looked this up recently, and most of what I found basically gave the idea that gender is a mix of societal and cultural beliefs, attitudes, and ideas associated with a particular biological sex. This definition is even used by the APA (American Psychological Association) which publishes the DSM and which Canada, even though we have our own version of the APA, uses. So basically I think of this definition as gender = society/culture on top of a base of biological sex. And that seems to be the definition a lot of people in this world explicitly or implicitly use. But if I'm separating out gender and biological sex, what am I left with? What would gender equal? Just societal/cultural views? From that perspective, where do other genders besides male/female fit? Could you even have other genders besides the binary? Or, in order to allow for other genders, what does gender encompass/mean?
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Re: Gender thread

Postby Koko » 2015-10-01, 7:09

Gender IMO is the label one gives themselves to describe how they feel about themselves and how they fit into society. This may be based on sex, or based on something completely different (look at xenogenders for example).

It can be dangerous in some ways, as is evidenced by the binary. Some feel the role they are given as an AMAB male doesn't apply to them, but that the roles of AMAF females do. Others feel neither are for them. But when you stray from this "norm," you are outcasted.

In other ways, it is very beneficial. It brings together those who identify as the same gender, and it's extremely cool to see how others see themselves. (however, this very alliance of genders could be potentially dangerous too, as one may be seen as more prestigious as another, and essentially you have a gender-based class system)

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Re: Gender thread

Postby vijayjohn » 2015-10-01, 14:36

That's interesting, Koko, thanks! :)
dEhiN wrote:
vijayjohn wrote:Wow, honestly, I wish I had gone half as far as you already have in questioning your own gender.

Are you questioning your gender?

Not really, no, but questioning pretty much anything about yourself can require having some knowledge beforehand, and I can see that you have knowledge about this subject that I don't (at least, not yet ;)). If I knew more about gender, maybe I would also question my own gender. As it is, I don't know enough about it to know what I could be hiding from myself regarding gender identity. :P

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Re: Gender thread

Postby Koko » 2015-10-01, 22:53

You could go on an… Internet-pilgrimage? Like, you go around the web looking at various definitions of genders and read about others' stories. In the end, you'll come to some conclusion. You may even need to coin a new term for it if none exists already (and assuming you realize you aren't cismale).

Also, you're welcome! :mrgreen:

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Re: Gender thread

Postby dEhiN » 2015-10-02, 5:08

Koko wrote:You could go on an… Internet-pilgrimage? Like, you go around the web looking at various definitions of genders and read about others' stories. In the end, you'll come to some conclusion. You may even need to coin a new term for it if none exists already (and assuming you realize you aren't cismale).

Also, you're welcome! :mrgreen:

Haha, thanks! Yeah it does have me thinking about things. I'm slowly reading through some definitions on nonbinary.org and trying to pay more attention to what's going on within me when I'm hanging out with friends.
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Re: Gender thread

Postby Koko » 2015-10-02, 5:24

Hope you come to some conclusion on your gender dEhiN :)

Kay, so I saw a few videos for kpop, and a lot of male kpop artists look really androgynous. Is this the style for male Koreans? (and do they see it as androgynous, or simply as male, I wonder?)

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Re: Gender thread

Postby dEhiN » 2015-10-02, 5:30

Koko wrote:Hope you come to some conclusion on your gender dEhiN :)

Thank you.
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