You guys made interesting observations and have perceptions of the subject matter that I had not considered. Thanks for the explanation and the food for thought.
linguoboy wrote:Discouraging conversation today with a long-distance friend.
He tried to start a conversation about the relationship of racism to the racial preferences people express when dating. At one point, I shared something an Arab friend told me once about being chatted up by people who thought he was Black and stopped speaking to him the moment they discovered he was Arab. He said maybe they were worried he was terrorist and termed that "racially motivated fear" as opposed to "racism."
I tried to talk more with him about this and it came out that he's one of those who equates "racism" with "white hoods". (He explicitly said as much.) I really get the feeling he's trying to excuse the unconscious racism in his milieu as not racism because racism makes you a racist and racists are bad people and he and his friends are not bad people so therefore they're not racists. I told him I'm interested in preventing discrimination, both conscious or unconscious, and he told me I sounded "hostile".
I really really wish folks in this country were as concerned with not being racist half as much as they are with not being called racist.
I believe last year or so I mentioned how certain inter-ethnic/interracial couples seem more or even way more common than others. Black men and white women and White men and east Asian/Southeast Asian women in particular seem to stand out a lot. And in USA those are indeed the most statistically common intercultural marriages, I believe.
As for dating preferences when it comes to that... well it's a complex issue, but one that really makes you think. I'm gonna be very honest: Very rarely do I find a Black or Indian woman attractive. Dunno why that's the case. Maybe really deep down my mind there's a subtle racism or xenophobic feel telling me not to find them attractive?
I think it's fine to have preferences as long as it's not an unhealthy fetish of some sort. Dating can be quite a shallow thing, and we're all discriminated in the process. Whether because of our height, our face being "ugly", our body types, our personality. Some things can be worked on upon, but others no. A short man can't just grow 10 centimetres. Just like a person cannot change their "race" or "ethnic background".
I do understand that it must be frustrating to hear something like "I don't date Black men!" or "I don't date Asian men!". Why those women might automatically refuse to do so and why they aren't attracted to such men, I have no idea. Perhaps in some cases could be a deep down fear of society judging them harshly or their parents not accepting their bf? In other cases it might just be because they'd rather date a guy they have more in common with culturally.
Then there' the whole... family policy thing or whatever. Probably a lot of couples struggle with this due to bigoted in-laws. It's probably more common when both parties are still very young, since their parents can just forbid them to date or something, but as adults that's a lot harder.
I guess a lot of times parents or other relatives have doubts or take a step back when they hear their son/grandson/daughter/wtv is marrying or dating someone from the other side of the globe, but eventually just accept it. I think it's a normal reaction at first, tbh. Especially when the people in question live in quite a homogeneous country/region/area. Or if they hear a friend or relative is marrying someone from a nationality they have never had any interaction with. If one of my colleagues or friends suddenly told us he was marrying a woman from, let's say, China or Kenya; people in my circle would be a bit surprised at first. It's normal. As for relatives, well I'm sure if I told my mother that I was gonna marry a Japanese woman she'd also be a bit surprised, and I could imagine how awkward their first meeting would be lol, but she'd have no choice but to accept it eventually, since I'm an adult and my happiness is what truly matters to her in the end.
Just my two cents.