Who helps me with a translation?

Moderator: JackFrost

User avatar
alany
Posts: 10
Joined: 2005-10-05, 5:19
Real Name: Alany
Gender: male
Location: S-Peterburg
Country: RU Russia (Российская Федерация)

Who helps me with a translation?

Postby alany » 2005-10-06, 10:01

Thirty little gnats ran to the clearing and began to play squeaky violins.
The moon went from behind the house and smiling swam on the sky.
*Muuuu* - sighed the cow beyond the river. The dog began a bark and forty moon-light hares ran along road.
a mist rised above the river and a white melancholy horse sank in the one down to her knees. And now it seems to a big white duck is swimming on the fog and lowering into it the head.
The hedgehog was sitting on the hill under the pine-tree and looking at bright from moon light the valley which was sank into the fog.
There was very beautiful view, it seems to him that it is his dream and he sometime started from it.


i can send a continue to amybody mail adress.
my adress e2e5@mail.ru

User avatar
Alcadras
Posts: 5508
Joined: 2005-04-16, 11:45
Real Name: Mirac Özdağ
Gender: male
Location: Ankara
Country: TR Turkey (Türkiye)

Postby Alcadras » 2005-10-06, 10:03

which languages ?
do you want Turkish version ?

User avatar
alany
Posts: 10
Joined: 2005-10-05, 5:19
Real Name: Alany
Gender: male
Location: S-Peterburg
Country: RU Russia (Российская Федерация)

Postby alany » 2005-10-06, 10:08

no. i want anybody to correct my bad english version

User avatar
JackFrost
Forum Administrator
Posts: 16240
Joined: 2004-11-08, 21:00
Real Name: Jack Frost
Gender: male
Location: Montréal, Québec
Country: CA Canada (Canada)

Re: Who helps me with a translation?

Postby JackFrost » 2005-10-06, 14:16

Thirty little gnats ran to the clearing and began to play the squeaky violins.
The moon rose behind the house, smiling in the sky.
*Mooo* - said the cow across the river. The dog began to bark, and forty moonlight hares ran along road.
A fog rose above the river, and a white melancholy horse sank down into one up to her knees. And now it seems to be a big white duck swimming in the fog, lowering its head into it.
The hedgehog was sitting on the hill under the pine tree looking at bright moonlighted valley, which was disappearing into the fog.
It was very beautiful view, it seems that it is a dream to him, and he sometimes started it.
Neferuj paħujkij!

User avatar
SamuraiMaster
Posts: 75
Joined: 2004-08-21, 19:31
Location: Somewhere in the USA

Postby SamuraiMaster » 2005-10-07, 20:10

Instead of "and forty moonlight hares ran along road" it should be "and forty moonlight hares ran along the road" Other then that,JackFrost's version is good English!
Native - English
Beginner - German
Learning - Polish, Romanian, Japanese, Korean, Georgian, Chechen, Abkhaz, Turkish, Estonian

User avatar
Lee
Posts: 167
Joined: 2003-11-12, 9:12
Gender: female
Location: Melbourne
Country: AU Australia (Australia)

Postby Lee » 2005-10-08, 5:31

Is the whole thing set in the past? Because these bits "And now it seems.." and "it seems that it is a dream to him" don't read well, in my opinion. (Neither does 'starting' the dream, IMO)

I would also change this: "The hedgehog was sitting on the hill under the pine tree looking at bright moonlighted valley"
to "The hedgehog was sitting on the hill under the pine tree, looking at the brightly moonlit valley" (or bright, moonlit valley?)

Also - do you mean the pine tree on the hill, or the hill under the pine tree?
And is it 'moonlight hares' or 'moonlit hares'?

Am I being a little too pedantic? :D
言葉にならいない気持ち

User avatar
alany
Posts: 10
Joined: 2005-10-05, 5:19
Real Name: Alany
Gender: male
Location: S-Peterburg
Country: RU Russia (Российская Федерация)

Postby alany » 2005-10-09, 18:45

thank you !!

what about continuation?

User avatar
alany
Posts: 10
Joined: 2005-10-05, 5:19
Real Name: Alany
Gender: male
Location: S-Peterburg
Country: RU Russia (Российская Федерация)

Postby alany » 2005-10-11, 5:14

and little gnats didn’t get tired to play violins, moon-light hares was dancing and the dog was howled.
*if I tell about it, nobody won’t believe me* - thought the hedgehog and started look more and more intently so that remember all beauty and every little grass.
*here a star has fallen – he noticed - and a grass has bent on the left, and only a top is remaining from the fir and now only it’s swimming beside the horse… it’s interesting, if the horse lies for a sleep, will she choke into the fog? *

User avatar
Lee
Posts: 167
Joined: 2003-11-12, 9:12
Gender: female
Location: Melbourne
Country: AU Australia (Australia)

Postby Lee » 2005-10-11, 6:39

Here's my shot at it. I tried to keep as close to your original version as possible.

And the little gnats didn't get tired from playing violins, the moonlit hares were dancing and the dog howled.
"If I tell anyone about it, nobody will believe me," thought the hedgehog, and he started to look more and more intently so as to remember all the beauty and every little blade of grass.
"Here a star has fallen," he noticed, "And a blade of grass has bent to the left. Only a top remains of the fir and now it's only swimming beside the horse.
It's interesting; if the horse lies down to sleep, will she choke in the fog?"

Feel free to give your opinions, I found that I was editing it to suit my own taste. :)
言葉にならいない気持ち


Return to “English”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot] and 1 guest