Help with writing

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bender
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Help with writing

Postby bender » 2014-11-29, 18:19

Hey everybody,

I intend to take an official English test and I'm trying to improve my writing. I'm always trying to learn a little more, but it's been quite a long time since I studied English formally and I feel a little uncomfortable to write and talk.

So I bought this book "Objetive IELTS" and there are some proposed themes to write about. The first one is the following:
Write about the following topic
The amount of sport shown on television every week has increased significantly and this is having an impact on live sports events. Do you think the benefits of having more televised sport are greater than the disadvantages?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words


So I wrote the text below. Any help would be appreciate, whether it be a correction or a suggestion to improve the text.
Thanks,

The importance of sports broadcast

Why is there so much sport broadcast at present? What are the effects of this on the society?
Although one might state that increasingly sport broadcast have some disadvantages, in my opinion the society experience greater benefits from it.
Televised sports have increased during the last decades due to a number of reasons. Technology becomes more and more advanced as time passes by and it can be used for better transmission and analyses. People have shown more interest in games and not all of them are willing to pay for high ticket prices.
It is true that smaller clubs suffer financial losses as their non-televised matches don’t attract most people’s interest. People are also less willing to attend live matches nowadays, which leads to the rise of ticket prices.
On the other hand, sport has become an important form of entertainment and the only opportunity some people have to catch up with their favourite sports is to watch the matches on TV. That means that the whole society benefit from it because sports are not exclusive of the high society.
Larger clubs benefit financially from TV games broadcast, so they can invest money to improve the team’s skill and provide better sport quality to the viewers.
We conclude that sport broadcast is as inevitable as it is fair. People should be happy that they can benefit from it.
Please correct me whenever I make a mistake. / Corrigez-moi toujours quand je ne parle pas bien. / Me corrijan siempre cuando hable mal.

Koko
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Re: Help with writing

Postby Koko » 2014-11-30, 8:35

bender wrote:The importance of sports broadcast

Why are there so many sports broadcasts presently/currently [may even be better to the right of "there"]? What are the effects of this on the society?
Although one might state that increasingly sport broadcast have some disadvantages, in my opinion the society experiences greater benefits from it.
Televised sports have increased during the last decades due to a number of reasons. Technology becomes more and more advanced as time passes by and it can be used for better transmission and analyses. People have shown more interest in games and not all of them are willing to pay for high ticket prices.
It is true that smaller clubs suffer financial losses as their non-televised matches don’t attract most people’s interest. People are also less willing to attend live matches nowadays, which leads to the raise of ticket prices.
On the other hand, sport has become an important form of entertainment and the only opportunity some people have to catch up with their favourite sports is to watch the matches on TV. That means that the whole society benefits from it because sports are not exclusive to the high society.
Larger clubs benefit financially from broadcasts/programs of TV games (better IMO), so they can invest money to improve the team’s skill and provide better sport quality to the viewers.
We conclude that sport broadcast is as inevitable as it is fair. People should be happy that they can benefit from it.

Remember to never use first/second person forms in formal paragraphs. There are a few things I'm not sure of, but I corrected what I was positive about. Also, "society" is singular ;) Even if referring to a populace.

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bender
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Re: Help with writing

Postby bender » 2014-11-30, 17:22

Thank you very much Koko!

Your correction will help me a lot!

Btw, I'm actually more used to North American English, but IELTS is a British profiency test. So, I try to stick to their grammar and spelling (we never know how friendly and reasonable the examiner will be). So, in UK they say weird things (jk) like "the team are", "the police are", so I thought I could say "the society are".
Anyway, perhaps I should just follow what I'm used to, because it's better to say something different but correct than to say something wrong.

Thanks again!

Koko
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Re: Help with writing

Postby Koko » 2014-11-30, 19:50

:hmm: Strange. I don't know then, maybe "society are" is acceptable in British English. Now I know how linguoboy feels about "recommend me a book" :lol: .

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Re: Help with writing

Postby bender » 2014-11-30, 21:51

I don't get it! :P
Please correct me whenever I make a mistake. / Corrigez-moi toujours quand je ne parle pas bien. / Me corrijan siempre cuando hable mal.

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Re: Help with writing

Postby vijayjohn » 2015-08-20, 15:22

bender wrote:I don't get it! :P

Late, but I think Koko is referring to this. (For some reason, I can't seem to tell what linguoboy is referring to in that post, though).

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Re: Help with writing

Postby alisha » 2018-04-05, 8:25

bender wrote:Hey everybody,

I intend to take an official English test and I'm trying to improve my writing. I'm always trying to learn a little more, but it's been quite a long time since I studied English formally and I feel a little uncomfortable to write and talk.

So I bought this book "Objetive IELTS" and there are some proposed themes to write about. The first one is the following:
Write about the following topic
The amount of sport shown on television every week has increased significantly and this is having an impact on live sports events. Do you think the benefits of having more televised sport are greater than the disadvantages?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words


So I wrote the text below. Any help would be appreciate, whether it be a correction or a suggestion to improve the text.
Thanks,

The importance of sports broadcast

Why is there so much sport broadcast at present? What are the effects of this on the society?
Although one might state that increasingly sport broadcast have some disadvantages, in my opinion the society experience greater benefits from it.
Televised sports have increased during the last decades due to a number of reasons. Technology becomes more and more advanced as time passes by and it can be used for better transmission and analyses. People have shown more interest in games and not all of them are willing to pay for high ticket prices.
It is true that smaller clubs suffer financial losses as their non-televised matches don’t attract most people’s interest. People are also less willing to attend live matches nowadays, which leads to the rise of ticket prices.
On the other hand, sport has become an important form of entertainment and the only opportunity some people have to catch up with their favourite sports is to watch the matches on TV. That means that the whole society benefit from it because sports are not exclusive of the high society.
Larger clubs benefit financially from TV games broadcast, so they can invest money to improve the team’s skill and provide better sport quality to the viewers.
We conclude that sport broadcast is as inevitable as it is fair. People should be happy that they can benefit from it.

I can only suggest you to practice. The more you practice, the fast you will get the command on the language.


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