Azhong's Writing Practice.

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Re: Azhong's Writing Practice.

Postby Dormouse559 » 2018-05-09, 7:25

azhong wrote:Your earlier comment was surely very clear, and thank you. I just tried here, after a study with my dictionary, to make some variation on my own opinion according to what I had got.

Oh, okay. "Ensue" mostly takes abstract nouns as its subject. I think you could safely include sensory phenomena as well, like "silence" or "a sweet taste" or "a bad smell". But "a dirty look" doesn't fit those categories.

azhong wrote:When Billy passed the halfway point, even the closest pursuer dropped obviously behind, his foot already scarcely reaching Billy’s heel. And Billy put yet more distance in-between.

"And Billy pulled still farther ahead."

azhong wrote:(And another practice of mine)
Q:does the sentence work?
()The train was arriving the station [in the status of] slowing up.

No. This sounds better: "The train was slowing down as it arrived at the station."

"Slow up" is dialectal/casual. I personally wouldn't use it in reference to a train. I'd be most likely to say it about a person walking or riding a bike.

azhong wrote:()The steam train was arriving at the station, its white smoke puffing up out of the locomotive, blown behind and gone and blowing away. A sharp whistle rose and reigned for a long time in the air. The train kept slowing up down, and finally stopped for its arrival. The doors got opened, just then the passengers piled out of the carriages and stepped upon onto the platform with their luggage.
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Re: Azhong's Writing Practice.

Postby linguoboy » 2018-05-09, 18:08

azhong wrote:When Billy passed the halfway point, even the closest pursuer dropped obviously behind, his foot already scarcely reaching Billy’s heel. And Billy put yet more distance in-between.

You could, but it sounds more natural to me to say something like, "And Billy drew even further ahead" or "And Billy left him even further behind".

azhong wrote:(And another practice sentence of mine)
Q:does the sentence work?
()The train was arriving at the station [in the status of] slowing up.

No. "The trained slowed up as it arrived at the station" would be more idiomatic.

azhong wrote:()The steam train was arriving at the station, its white smoke puffing up out of the locomotive, blown behind and gone. A sharp whistle rose and reigned long in the air. The train kept slowing up, and finally stopped for its arrival. The doors got opened and just then the passengers piled out of the carriages and stepped upononto the platform with their luggage.

"Immediately" sounds better here than "just then".
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Re: Azhong's Writing Practice.

Postby azhong » 2018-05-12, 6:30

He waved his wand but his gesture looked so awkward and funny. He cast a cluster of spells, yet sounding to us more like teasing dirty words. Little by little, this and that, we lost our trust to the wizard, and deemed his magic a mere cheat. Some of us even began mocking him. However, to our surprise, the blue sky turned cloudy, turned dark, and it fell drops of rain, one or two. The falling drops increases [got more], enlarged [got bigger], and lasted. It rained heavier and heavier. At last it poured with frightening thunders and lightnings.

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Re: Azhong's Writing Practice.

Postby azhong » 2018-05-13, 5:31

The little child teetered toward the rabbit, his fat arms stretching straight forward with intent to touch the pet with. But the rabbit was vigilant, turned and twisted its head, gave a leap, and escaped in time.

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Re: Azhong's Writing Practice.

Postby azhong » 2018-05-17, 13:17

It was nearly noon. The sun was blazing fiercely, hanging high in the middle of the sky. The sky covered the town with a clear blue, within the view not a tiny piece of cloud. It was still in May, regularly with a climate somewhat bland. But this noon burnt wildly as if it was already in fervid August, just as the latest ones had been. And this pitiless weather of high temperature would last till about next Wednesday, as Sam had heard it from the news brief on the hour over the radio.

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Re: Azhong's Writing Practice.

Postby azhong » 2018-05-18, 14:57

Sam got off his bike before his house, passed through the gate and left the bike against the wall in the yard corner. He felt mussy and dirty. The upper half of his body was wholly in a sweat, his cotton T-shirt sticking on the back. Sam went straight into the bathroom, undressed, stepped into the tub, pulled the shower curtain across, and turned on the faucet. The water out of the shower head spouted into the air, sprang and splashed, moistened everything around, and gathered as it flowed down along.

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Re: Azhong's Writing Practice.

Postby azhong » 2018-05-19, 17:10

He buckled himself all the way up to the hilltop, panting and sweating, and at last arrived. He stood under the pleasant shade of woods taking a big rest, drinking water and enjoying cool breeze. There, from his high vantage point, he had a good view of the town below, stretching outward from the base of the hill onto the plain. The buildings were surrounded by farm fields, divided by roads and streets and clustered into blocks. At such a distance they looked like toy houses. The whole town was bathed in the slanting shafts of morning sunlight in the breaks between clouds. It looked peaceful, serene.

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Re: Azhong's Writing Practice.

Postby azhong » 2018-05-20, 22:07

A train from the right was slowing down; it was arriving and was entering the heart zone of the town. Looking distantly up high from the hilltop it crawled slowly like a long worm, a foraging centipede.

Farther off (his hand shadowing his eyes) a stream meandered, a glittering ribbon now under the sunlight. It took on a sharp, V-shaped turn along the town and formed a natural boundary, which enclosed the western half of the small city. The big stream corner probably explained why the early comers decided to stay; water was near.

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Re: Azhong's Writing Practice.

Postby azhong » 2018-05-21, 13:15

()The corners of my eyes are getting occupied by tiny lines, so-called “crow’s feet" (or in Chinese “fish-tail lines”). My cheeks are sinking in hopelessly. My hairline is receding. It was commanded to retreat from both wings of the forehead as a beginning, while the glorious baldness is bugling steadily ahead.

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Re: Azhong's Writing Practice.

Postby azhong » 2018-05-22, 15:21

()My presbyopia is setting up its military base. It's quite in fashion and reasonable that this threat lands earlier on me than on my parents. My modern lifestyle is more high-technical. Now when browsing my cell phone, I've got used to taking off my short-sighted glasses for the time being and, being the case already, cleaning and massaging round my eyes and my nose with tissue paper, always white as it mostly is. And l think soon in a decade I shall step back more, equipping myself with a pair of read glasses.

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Re: Azhong's Writing Practice.

Postby azhong » 2018-07-08, 15:09

He took out of the bag one cup of the several, paper-made and sealed with a plastic film, pierced the film -- a slight bang! -- with a plastic straw cut sharp in one end, inserted the straw till the bottom of the cup, then sucked very big a mouthful of the beverage in, which released his tortures of thirst.

(And enclosed is an inquiry, with my thanks in advance: what does sentence 1 below mean differently comparing to sentence 2, if there's any difference?

1. He laid strips of bacon onto his toast, having been covered with an egg.
2. He laid strips of bacon onto his toast, which had been covered with an egg.)

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Re: Azhong's Writing Practice.

Postby linguoboy » 2018-07-09, 14:53

azhong wrote:He took out of the bag one cup of the several, paper-mademade of paper and sealed with a plastic film, pierced the film -- a slight bang! -- with a plastic straw cut sharp inat one end, inserted the straw till the bottom of the cup, then sucked a very big a mouthful of the beverage in, which released hishim from the tortures of thirst.

(And enclosed is an inquiry, with my thanks in advance: what does sentence 1 below mean differently compared to sentence 2, if there's any difference?

1. He laid strips of bacon onto his toast, having been covered with an egg.
2. He laid strips of bacon onto his toast, which had been covered with an egg.)

(2) is very easily comprehensible, because this is the usual way of describing this situation. (1) is very confusing to a native speaker because it's unconventional to use a participial phrase here. (I had to read it a couple times to make sure I understood its intended meaning, and even then I wasn't sure until I read the second sentence.)
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Re: Azhong's Writing Practice.

Postby azhong » 2018-07-20, 4:19

Two questions in the quoted passage below, with my thanks in advance for your comments.

Q1: the bolded “being”, as in a modifier, when should it be omitted and when should it not? Any principles, or some explanations to the two specific cases, the following one included?
Cf.
linguoboy wrote:
azhong wrote:They chatted and teased each other, their voices being gentle.

Q2: the position of the bolded “moreover”, when it was preferred to be in the middle of the phrase but not at the beginning nor at the end, doesn't it more commonly-seen go forwarder, as “...and the Verdurins, moreover, feeling that…”? Is the position the author has chosen also correct?
(The colored part can be skipped over, so as to simplify the sentence.)
(And, the sentence structure is: women …, and the Verdurins …, they [the Verdurins] had been…)

Women being in this respect more rebellious than men, more reluctant to lay aside all worldly curiosity and the desire to find out for themselves whether other drawing-rooms might not sometimes be as entertaining, and the Verdurins feeling, moreover, that this critical spirit and this demon of frivolity might, by their contagion, prove fatal to the orthodoxy of the little church, they had been obliged to expel, one after another, all those of the 'faithful' who were of the female sex.

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Re: Azhong's Writing Practice.

Postby linguoboy » 2018-07-20, 14:43

azhong wrote:Q1: the bolded “being”, as in a modifier, when should it be omitted and when should it not? Any principles, or some explanations toof those two specific cases, the following one included?
Cf.
linguoboy wrote:
azhong wrote:They chatted and teased each other, their voices being gentle.

It's not necessary before an adjective like "gentle".

You have an example of when it's mandatory in your paragraph below: "Women being in this respect more rebellious than men..." Here other words intervene between the participle and its predicate complement. Moreover, this is an introductory phrase and using "being" helps signal to the reader that it will not become a full clause on its own. In the other example, the main clause comes first, so there's less possibility of confusion.

azhong wrote:Q2: the position of the bolded “moreover”. When it was preferred to beput it in the middle of the phrase but not at the beginning nor at the end? Doesn't it more commonly-seen occur gofarther forwarder, asfor example “...and the Verdurins, moreover, feeling that…”? Is the position the author has chosen also correct?
(The colored part can be skipped over, so as to simplify the sentence.)
(And, the sentence structure is: women …, and the Verdurins …, they [the Verdurins] had been…)

Women being in this respect more rebellious than men, more reluctant to lay aside all worldly curiosity and the desire to find out for themselves whether other drawing-rooms might not sometimes be as entertaining, and the Verdurins feeling, moreover, that this critical spirit and this demon of frivolity might, by their contagion, prove fatal to the orthodoxy of the little church, they had been obliged to expel, one after another, all those of the 'faithful' who were of the female sex.

The placement is correct. I don't notice much of a difference between having it before or after the participle.
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Re: Azhong's Writing Practice.

Postby azhong » 2019-04-19, 0:15

(My writing practice. Thank you in advance for your comments.)

I waked up very early today, even earlier than the crack of dawn. That was partly because I went to bed around 5 pm last afternoon when I was a bit tired and decided to take a small nap, which itself then considerately got into a long, like-a-log sleep.

I did not know what time it was when I awaked; I seemed to be alarmed up by some commotion outside. The commotion was slight, low, but seemingly wide-spreading. It seemed to get nearing from all directions. Something seemed ready to bloom, explode, or land;something seemed ready to go off. I then recognized it the overture of spring rain, and remembered some clothes were still hanged outdoor. A soft drizzle had started falling down when I stepped into the yard. And, high aloft, the sky was still inky.

The sound of the drizzle was soon growing into a stronger one, a symphony of raindrops while I was preparing my breakfast, and the rain was yet getting steadier and heavier. I was unsure when I sensed the first lightning, but after not a long time the second followed, and after a minute or two I heard thunders lasting at a distance. Obviously the coming morning, and possibly even all the coming day, would be rainy.

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Re: Azhong's Writing Practice.

Postby linguoboy » 2019-04-19, 16:47

azhong wrote:(My writing practice. Thank you in advance for your comments.)

Welcome back, stranger!

azhong wrote:I wakedwoke up very early today, even earlier thanbefore the crack of dawn. That was partly because I went to bed around 5 pm lastyesterday afternoon when I was a bit tired and decided to take a small nap, which itself then considerately[1] got intobecame a long, like-a-loglog-like sleep.

[1] I'm not sure what "considerately" is doing here. Do you mean that it was somehow "considerate" (thoughtful) of the nap to become a long sleep? It's very strange to ascribe intention to something abstract like sleep and makes the sentence hard to parse.

azhong wrote:I did not know what time it was when I awakedawoke; I seemed to be alarmed up by some commotion outside. The commotion was slight, low, but seemingly wide-spreading. It seemed to get nearinger from all directions. Something seemed ready to bloom, explode, or land;something seemed ready to go off. I then recognized it as the overture of spring rain, and remembered some clothes were still hangeding[2] outdoors. A soft drizzle had started falling down when I stepped into the yard. And, high aloft[3], the sky was still inky.

[2] Traditionally a distinction is made between "hanged" for persons (e.g. "a hanged man") and "hung" for objects ("clothes hung out to dry").
[3] "aloft" is most often used of objects in flight. "Overhead" sounds much more natural here.

azhong wrote:The sound of the drizzle was soon growinggrew into a stronger one, a symphony of raindrops while I was preparing my breakfast, and the rain was yet getting steadier and heavier. I was unsure when I sensed the first flash of lightning[4], but after not a longmuch time the second followed, and after a minute or two I heard peals of thunders[4] lasting at a distance. Obviously the coming morning, and possibly even all of the coming day, would be rainy.

[4] "Lighting" and "thunder" are uncountable in English. You need to use measure words like "flash", "bolt", "strike" (for lightning) and "peal", "rumble", "crash" (for thunder).
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Re: Azhong's Writing Practice.

Postby azhong » 2019-04-20, 3:46

Thank you very much for your comments, our linguistic boy. The reply is as precious as what I've received before. How have you been recently? (smile)

Again, thank you for your help, and your time.

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Re: Azhong's Writing Practice.

Postby azhong » 2019-05-29, 12:09

(The practice below are translated from the Chinese version of The Martian by Andy Weir. It is the beginning paragraph of Chapter 6. Thank you in advance for your comments.)

Fenka Kerpur returned to his office, threw his briefcase onto the ground, and sank into his leather chair, gazing out of the window for a while.
His office was in the No. 1 building, where he could overlooked the view of the vast park of Johnson Space Center. Behind the park were a dozen of buildings, leading all the way farther to where the Mud Lake located.

(P. S. After trying to get the original text online, I can only find a condensed version as below.)

Venkat returned to his office, dropped his briefcase on the floor, and colapsed into his leather chair. He took a moment to look out the windows at his scenic
view of the Johnson Space Center.

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Re: Azhong's Writing Practice.

Postby linguoboy » 2019-05-29, 16:30

azhong wrote:(The practice paragraph below arehas been translated from the Chinese version of The Martian by Andy Weir. It is the beginning paragraph of Chapter 6. Thank you in advance for your comments.)

Fenka Kerpur returned to his office, threw his briefcase onto the ground, and sank into his leather chair, gazing out of the window for a while.
His office was in the No. 1 building, where he could overlooked [1] the view of the vast park of Johnson Space Center. Behind the park were a dozen of buildings, leading all the way fartherup to where the[2] Mud Lake was located.

(P. S. After trying to get the original text online, I can only find athe condensed version as below.)

[1] "overlook the view" is pleonastic. Better would be "where he had a view" or "which [i.e. the office] overlooked".
[2] Use of articles with toponyms is complicated and arbitrary in English, but I think one consistent rule is that they aren't used when "Lake" appears in the name. E.g.:

"Lake Erie"
"Pelican Lake"
"Lake of the Woods"

but:

"the Salton Sea"
"the Sea of Marmara"
"the Pacific Ocean"

With "Bay" it varies depending on whether the qualifier proceeds or follows:

"the Bay of Fundy" vs "Chesapeake Bay".
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Re: Azhong's Writing Practice.

Postby azhong » 2019-05-30, 9:42

How to say in English "十幾 (棟 建築物)", a rough estimate in quantity?

Is " ten something of buildings" correct?

How about "teens of buildings"? Does it mean strictly the quantity is between 13 and eighteen, or does it mean loosely, between 11 and 19?

"More than handful of buildings", how about this one?

Or do you have some other expressions?


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