Azhong's Writing Practice.

[azhong]

(My practice: the second paragraph of Hiking.)

The shape of Taiwan is roughly leaf-like with adjoining mountain ranges going from north to south. The spine includes a list of one hundred mountains, the Baiyue (百嶽, literally “hundred mountain”), all over 3,000 meters in height, some of which challenging even for professional climbers. Far much easier then, there is another family named the Little Beiyue (小百嶽), all locating in the suburbs with easier traffic and more moderate routes, thus proper for ordinary people to hike.

[linguoboy]

I went hiking last Friday morning, a spontaneous activity as I woke up very spiritually[1] after a quite long sleep. The runaway nap started from the previous late afternoon. I guess I am experiencing my menopause as an ageing male, more easily getting tired at day. Being so energetically awake in such early hours was unusual to me; not even after I had finished my breakfast did the sun get up[2]. Riding on my bike then, I moved off eastward in the twilight. Streets lay deserted, wayside lights guarded on sentry duty dedicatedly[3] amid sleeping buildings, and ahead in the distance a chain of hills curved and spread in different deep grays.

[1] "Spiritually" means "related to spirituality". I don't know what you mean by it here.
[2] This sentence would only make sense if the sun never rose at all that day. Better phrasings would be:
"not even after I had finished my breakfast was the sun up"
"even after I had finished my breakfast the sun still wasn't up"
"I finished my breakfast before the sun was even up"
[3] Awkward. A sentry is already a kind of guard so you could just leave "guarded" out entirely (which would require dumping "dedicatedly" or making it an adjective).

The shape of Taiwan is roughly leaf-like with adjoining mountain ranges going from north to south.

"Adjoin" means "meet", so I'm not sure it's the word you want here. My understanding of the geography of Taiwan is that there are five major ranges divided from each other by valleys and running more or less parallel to each other.

The spine includes a list of one hundred mountains, the Baiyue (百嶽, literally “hundred mountain”), all over 3,000 meters in height, some of which challenging even for professional climbers.

So you can make a list of the mountains in a mountain range but that doesn't make the list itself part of the mountain range. I would rephrase this to something like, "The spine includes the Baiyue, one hundred mountains all over 3,000 meters...". If you want to mention that hikers have made a list of them, I would put that in a separate sentence.

Far much easier then, there is another family named the Little Beiyue (小百嶽), all locatinged in the suburbs with easier traffic and more moderate routes, thus appropriate for ordinary people to hike.

I'm not sure what "easier traffic" means. "Traffic" means a flow of pedestrians and/or vehicles. If you say "traffic is easy", you mean there aren't a lot of other people on the paths, roads, highways, etc. But I would expect the lower peaks to have more traffic, not less.

[azhong]

(My practice: I rewrite the first two paragraphs of Hiking. I've roughly highlighted my changes.)

I went hiking last Friday morning, spontaneously, as I woke up very spiritedly after a quite long sleep. The runaway nap started from the previous late afternoon when the sky was still bright. I might be experiencing my menopause as an ageing male, more easily getting tired at day. Being so energetically awake in such early hours was unusual to me: The sun wasn’t even up after I had finished my breakfast already, taking my time very well. In the twilight I rode on my bike off eastward. Streets lay deserted, wayside lights were still on sentry duty amid sleeping buildings and, after out downtown, ahead in the distance lay a chain of hills in different deep grays undulating and spreading.

The shape of Taiwan is roughly leaf-like, mountain ranges near one another going from north to south along the center line. Out of the imposing spine the Baiyue is selected, one hundred featured mountains all over 3,000 meters in height, some of them challenging even for professional climbers. Far easier than that family, there is another named the Little Beiyue. All this hundred are in the suburbs, their traffic more convenient and their routes more moderate; thus, they are more appropriate for ordinary people to spend their off day with.

[azhong]

(My practice: the third passage of Hiking.)

The hill I visited, however, was not even high enough to be listed among the Little Beiyue.
Near the entrance of the path I dropped by, there was an ancient Buddhist temple in the hillside, where I parked my bike at the front square. Buddhism and Taoism were major religions in Taiwan, and many of their monasteries were built at a secluded place, usually accompanied not far by paths naturally formed over time, leading to the hilltop.
A pavilion was built on the left at the entrance of the path. I had heard a flock of people chatting joyfully there before I arrived. I saw them eating snacks and making tea. Unsurprisingly, most of them were aged; going hiking in the early morning was apparently not a mainstream hobby for youngsters even on weekend. Although having entered the second half of my life, I am still highly possible to be among the folk of the youngest hikers this morning.
A few steps forward, catching my eye, there were quite dozens of plastic milk bottles, all two-gallon, full of water, arrayed on a big rocky platform just by the right of the path. I knew the spring here was sweet, perhaps being abundant of minerals; I also ever saw some hikers carry it back home by the way, the faucet just nearby the pavilion. I was but a bit surprised by the quantities of the bottles, then wondering why larger containers were not preferred if they need to collect so many.

[linguoboy]

I went hiking last Friday morning, spontaneously, as I woke up very spiritedly after a quite long sleep. The runaway nap started from the previous late afternoon when the sky was still bright. I might be experiencing my menopause as an ageing male, more easily getting tired at day. Being so energetically awake in such early hours was unusual to me: The sun wasn’t even up after I had finished my breakfast already, taking my time very well.

Do you mean to say you had taken your time (i.e. not hurried) while eating? The I would say something like "even though I'd taken my time". It just doesn't work well as a participial.

In the twilight I rode off on my bike off eastward. Streets lay deserted, wayside lights were still on sentry duty amid sleeping buildings and, after out downtown, ahead in the distance lay a chain of hills in different deep grays undulating and spreading.

This is a badly run-on sentence. I would rewrite it:

"Streets lay deserted and wayside lights were still on sentry duty amid sleeping buildings. and,Once I was after out of downtown, I saw ahead in the distance lay a chain of hills in different deep grays undulating and spreading."

Keep in mind that English doesn't try to avoid personal pronouns as much as Chinese. We prefer active sentences which make it clear who's experiencing and observing things. If you want to keep the impersonal tone of description then you need to make different changes; one way or another you need to lose "after out downtown".

The shape of Taiwan is roughly leaf-like with mountain ranges near one another going from north to south along the center linerunning parallel from north to south. Out of the imposing spine the Baiyue were selected, one hundred featured mountains all over 3,000 meters in height, some of them challenging even for professional climbers. Far easier than that family, there is another named the Little Baiyue. These hundred peaks are all in the suburbs, their traffic more convenient and their routes more moderate; thus, they are more appropriate for ordinary people to spend time in on their days off.

[azhong]

(My practice: I rewrite the third passage of Hiking.)

The hill I would drop by, however, was not even high enough to be listed in the Little Beiyue. The path was also very common: There was no special terrain, broad vision or impressed scenery, but just one route lying in the woods on a hillside, where the hikers could take some exercise.

Near the entrance of the path, there was an ancient Buddhist temple, where I parked my bike. Buddhism and Taoism were major religions in Taiwan, and many of their monasteries were built at a secluded place. These monasteries were usually accompanied by trails nearby that were at first worn out over time.

I had heard a flock of people chatting joyfully at the entrance of the path before I arrived. They might have finished their hiking and were having their social time in the pavilion, eating snacks and making tea. Unsurprisingly, they were mostly aged. Going hiking in an early morning was apparently not a mainstream activity for the young even on weekend, and it was a workday. Although having entered the second half of my life, I was still highly possible to be one of the youngest hikers this morning.

Opposite the pavilion, catching my eye, there were quite several dozens of plastic milk bottles. They were arrayed on a big rocky platform just by the path, all two-gallon ones, full of water. I knew the spring here was sweet, perhaps being abundant of minerals; I also ever saw some hikers carry it back home by the way, the faucet just behind the pavilion, and that’s exactly why these elders were making tea here. I was but a bit surprised by the quantities of the bottles, then wondering why larger containers were not preferred if they need to collect so many.

[azhong]

(My practice: the fourth passage of Hiking.)

The beginning of a hiking was always tiresome, as the heart was speeding up and getting its adaption. On my way upward with effort, gasping for breath, there were already some hikers walking downward sporadically. We nodded and greeted as passing one another by. We were unfamiliar, but knew we were all coming for hiking alike, relaxing and exercising. Returning to nature, people would soon easily unfasten their indifferent manners built up through living in a crowded city where their curtains were always closed. A friendly smile would also more easily induce another. It was highly attributed to the couriers of nature: plants that blossomed, leaves that swayed on the tree or fell on the ground, fresh air that flowed, birds that chirped but hid and, occasionally, a squirrel or lizard that passed swiftly.

[azhong]

(My practice: I rewrite the fourth passage of Hiking.)

The beginning of a hiking was always tiresome, as the body was getting its adaption. On my way upward with effort, gasping for breath, there were already some earlier hikers walking downward sporadically. We nodded and greeted as passing one another by although unfamiliar; it was quite enough just knowing that all were coming for hiking alike, relaxing and exercising. Returning to nature, the metropolitan habitants would more easily unfasten to strangers their indifferent manners built up by crowdedness, which made their curtains habitually closed. A friendly smile would also more easily bring another in the hills. It was highly attributed to the couriers: plants that blossomed, leaves that swayed on the tree or fell to the ground, fresh air that smelled sweet, birds that chirped but shily hid and, occasionally, a squirrel or lizard that passed swiftly. The path, paved in cement, was all along a slope without ladders, and was fringed on both sides with overhanging wild trees without commercial values. These trees shielded the rising blaze from the spring sun at around 8 a.m. but also decreased possible cool breezes. Intending to gain some physical training, I sped up striding and passed over other hikers, some of whom took their casual steps while chatting with their companions, others of whom, walking along, meditated as a philosopher with wise steps or immersed themselves in the old songs they carried with.

[azhong]

(My practice: the fifth and last passage of Hiking.)

Then, I saw a man, also upward meters ahead, leaned at a path corner pouring something into the soil. I guessed he was reducing his inconvenience by emptying unwanted liquid, possibly the residue of his breakfast. After rounding that corner, however, he repeated the same action at another higher place, pouring some liquid out of - I saw more clearly this time - the plastic milk bottle at hand. It was clear water, and he was selectively watering the young trees just planted. Taiwan has lately been short of rain for months and even the residential water supply was being distracted in some regions now. Since he often paused to irrigate the saplings, I soon caught up with him and then we started a chat on our hiking forward together, a casual chat between two unfamiliar hikers, during which he told me a story.

The saplings, all flowering shrubbery, were provided free by a hiker who, coming only on weekends, earned his living by raising and selling saplings. And the water bottles at the path entrance were prepared for whomever able and willing to carry along, to irrigate the saplings voluntarily. As for some other hikers unable to carry full bottles, they could collect empty bottles on their way downward if any, bringing them back to the pavilions. The elder I was chatting with came hiking on each weekday morning, five times a week. During the succeeding walk, he was familiar with almost everyone coming upon. He briefly told me about the hikers passing by: This couple were deaf; that biking man was retired from a bank; the two were mother and son, the son not so heavier now than when just beginning hiking with his mother, etc. I separated with him near below the hilltop, where he met an acquaintance and decided to return downward with him, and I returned to walk alone, thinking about his story.

The hikers here had become friends, a regular friendship on early mornings at the evening of their lives, connected by a route without ladders thus particularly suitable to aged persons mostly with problems in their knees, a route without featured scenery but they themselves were beautifying it voluntarily by planting flowering shrubs. The path might not be so special in its natural scenery; yet it was beautiful because of the scenes of these hikers, and they were making it more beautiful.

[azhong]

(My practice: I rewrite the last paragraph of Hiking.)

The hikers here had become acquaintances, with plain interaction in the early hours of every morning at the evening of their lives. Their relationship was linked up by a route without ladders, thus particularly suitable to them, aged persons, mostly with problems in their knees. The path might not have magnificent natural scenery as those zigzagging in a Beiyue, yet, the scenery of this normal path, the scenes of these hikers, were touching. It was another sort of scenery that photographs couldn’t tell well. Climbers enjoying the splendid views of the Beiyue tried their best not to leave any garbage in the mountains. These elders, devoting themselves, were doing more than that; they were building a view for other hikers.

[azhong]

(Two practices. The first one is rewritten, and the second, a draft.)

1)

The cafe was clean and light. The wood of the tables shone from wiping; the wooden chairs were carved and comfortable. Out from the loud-speakers it was playing a piece of piano jazz. Over the loudspeakers a piano jazz piece was playing. An aroma in the air, an aroma of coffee and cookies--that was the typical smell for most coffee shops. But Nick's small coffee house owned[5] something else.

The cafe was clean and light. The wooden tables shone from wiping; the wooden chairs with cotton seat surfaces were comfortable. Over the loudspeakers a piano jazz piece was playing, while an aroma of coffee and cookies was pervading in the air - the typical smell for most coffee shops. But Nick's snug coffee house had something else.

2)He was woken up by his right shoulder’s pain in the early morning, when the morning was not broken yet. Feeling that the pain, although slowly, was indeed being relieved gradually over time, he got out of his bed in a good mood. He didn’t turn on the light but just drew the curtain apart, and the dark room was a bit illuminated by streetlight and moonlight. In the dimness he started doing his exercises in front of his bed, stretching out all parts of his body. And his phone rang when he, energetic again and ready for another new day, was taking extra rehabilitation exercises for his injured shoulder.

[azhong]

(My practice: a talk among three collegemates.)

I was making effort to my homework, a writing passage, and John was playing his mobile game when our college roommate Lee returned after finishing his training hours. Lee was a member of our varsity table tennis team. He slammed the door behind him and slumped down by his bed, taking his shoes and socks off.
“How many persons did you defeat today?” I asked, looking up from my computer screen.
“Zero, decidedly,” responded John promptly, snuggling on the couch and keeping staring at his mobile phone with his thumbs tapping it repeatedly.
“On my way back, I passed the sports field,” said Lee, ignoring John’s teasing. “ I saw the varsity track and field team having their running training.
“And you had a crush on a pretty girl among them and managed to get her Line,” said John.
“Sadly not,” I said, joining John. “She didn’t use Line.”
“Damn it!” cursed John for losing his game. He looked up to Lee: “Why? You came back barefoot? Did you propose to that pretty girl with your socks?”
“I saw some of them cutting corners on curved tracks,” said Lee, halting for seconds and then throwing his dirty socks into his plastic wash basin.
“So? Did your pretty girl get punished by her couch, then?” said John. “Or did you get punished by your pretty girl?”
Lee responded nothing to John but just kept his words on.
“It makes no sense to me at all to cut corners in training.”
“Agree,” I said. “It sounds like I copy and paste a passage at my Facebook, and then claim I write it from my memory.”
“Disagree,” said John. “It will win a large wad of Likes.”
“By the way, do you know any verb implying the notion of “flying from side to side”, the way a seabird usually does?” I asked.
“Also by the way, what are we going to have for dinner?” inquired John, stretching himself with a yawn. “I’m hungry.”
“Wait for me taking a shower first,” said Lee, tramping across toward the bathroom with his basin. “I am covered with sweat.”
“And you’ll buy our dinners in return,” said John.

[linguoboy]

I was making an effort toon my homework, a writing passage, and John was playing his mobile game when our college roommate Lee returned after finishing his training hourspractice. Lee was a member of our varsity table tennis team. He slammed the door behind him and slumped down by his bed, taking his shoes and socks off.
“How many personspeople did you defeat today?” I asked, looking up from my computer screen.
“Zero, decidedly,” responded John promptly, snuggling on the couch and keeping staring at his mobile phone with his thumbs tapping it repeatedly.

1. The usual plural of "person" is "people". "Persons" is administrative jargon, e.g. "Report suspicious persons and vehicles to local law enforcement officials." In this context, a word like "opponents" might be preferable.
2. *"keeping staring" is never correct English.
3. More colloquial suggestion: "and tapping away with his thumbs".

“On my way back, I passed the sports field,” said Lee, ignoring John’s teasing. “ I saw the varsity track and field team having their running trainingpractice.
“And you had a crush on a pretty girl among them and managed to get her LINE,” said John.
“Sadly not,” I said, joining John. “She diddoesn’t use LINE.”
“Damn it!” cursed John for losingas he lost his game. He looked up to Lee: “Why? You came back barefoot? Did you propose to that pretty girl with your socks?”
“I saw some of them cutting corners on curved tracks,” said Lee, halting for a seconds and then throwing his dirty socks into his plastic wash basin.

This makes no sense to me. Curved tracks don't have corners.

“So? Did your pretty girl get punished by her coach, then?” said John. “Or did you get punished by your pretty girl?”
Lee responded nothing to John but just kept his words on.
Lee didn't respond to John and remained silent.
“It makes no sense to me at all to cut corners in training.”
“Agree,” I said. “It's sounds like me copypasting a passage aton my Facebook, and then claiming I wrote it from my memory.”
“Disagree,” said John. “It will win a large wad of Likes.”
“By the way, do you know any verb implying the notion of 'flying from side to side', the way a seabird usually does?” I asked.
“Also by the way, what are we going to have for dinner?” inquired John, stretching himself with a yawn. “I’m hungry.”
“Wait for me takingto take a shower first,” said Lee, tramping across toward the bathroom with his basin. “I am covered with sweat.”
“And you’ll buy our dinners in return,” said John.

[azhong]

(My practice: I rewrite the beginning scene of chapter 2, HP7.)

Harry was emptying his school trunk, for the first time since he had packed it six years ago. The idea of cleaning it completely had not for once come to his mind before. At the start of the intervening school years, he just skimmed off the topmost two-thirds of the contents updating or replacing them. This summer, however, he could not but confront the historical task, for he would spend his coming school year, the last, differently, no more as a student with a simpler life at Hogwarts. He plunged his right hand into the trunk and, experiencing a stabbing pain in his finger, he withdrew it to see a lot of blood. He clutched the injured finger in his left hand and kept it elevated, shouldered his bedroom door open, and tramped across to the bathroom, where he ran it under the tap. There was something sharp among the debris at the bottom.

[azhong]

“I saw some of them cutting corners on curved tracks,” said Lee, halting for a seconds and then throwing his dirty socks into his plastic wash basin.

This makes no sense to me. Curved tracks don't have corners.

I can't find a felicitous phrase then. Could you please give me a term to remember that says something like "the runners didn't follow the curved tracks but run straight perfunctorily" if any? Thank you in advance.

“So? Did your pretty girl get punished by her coach, then?” said John. “Or did you get punished by your pretty girl?”
Lee responded nothing to John but just kept his words on.
Lee didn't respond to John and remained silent.
“It makes no sense to me at all to cut corners in training.”

I've used the wrong punctuation, I guess.
1) Lee didn't respond to John as he went on, "it makes no sense...training."
2) Lee seemed too tired to respond John's boring teasing.
"It makes no sense... training," said Lee.

[linguoboy]

“I saw some of them cutting corners on curved tracks,” said Lee, halting for a seconds and then throwing his dirty socks into his plastic wash basin.

This makes no sense to me. Curved tracks don't have corners.

I can't find a felicitous phrase then. Could you please give me a term to remember that says something like "the runners didn't follow the curved tracks but run straight perfunctorily" if any? Thank you in advance.

I still can't picture what you're describing. Collegiate runners in the USA typically practice on a curved running track which fits the contours of a stadium. There's no real way to run straight without following the curves on such a track. If you want to express that the runners were doing their exercises in a perfunctory fashion, I think you need to find another way to say that.

“So? Did your pretty girl get punished by her coach, then?” said John. “Or did you get punished by your pretty girl?”
Lee responded nothing to John but just kept his words on.
Lee didn't respond to John and remained silent.
“It makes no sense to me at all to cut corners in training.”

I've used the wrong punctuation, I guess.
1) Lee didn't respond to John as he went on, "it makes no sense...training."
2) Lee seemed too tired to respond John's boring teasing.
"It makes no sense... training," said Lee.

It's more than a question of punctuation; "kept his words on" just isn't an English turn of phrase. So much so, in fact, that I misread it as "kept his words in", which is why I thought you were trying to say that Lee kept silent.

The use of "keep on" with an object is very idiosyncratic. I can think of basically four patterns:

1. The object is a gerundive-participial. Probably the most common use. This means to continue doing the action described by the -ing form, e.g. "Keep on talking!" "He kept on running until he was out of sight." You could drop the "on" in these sentences without changing the meaning. (It adds a slight nuance which is hard to explain.)

2. The object is an article of clothing. This means to continue wearing the article mentioned, e.g. "Keep your boots on because you're going to have to go right back out into the snow." "He kept his hat on the whole time he was undressing."

3. The object is a device or appliance. This means to keep the object running and not switch it off. E.g. "Keep the light on so I can see." "They kept the heater on even when it was warm outside." It's almost the same construction as the previous one.

4. The object is a person. This means to continue to employ someone, e.g. "We decided to keep her on as a cook." "I got a call from work where they told me that they won't be keeping me on after the holidays."

Note that "words" isn't among these possible objects. This just isn't something we say. The most concise way to express what I think you're trying to say is "Lee ignored John and continued, “It makes no sense to me at all to cut corners in training.”."

[Linguaphile]

“I saw some of them cutting corners on curved tracks,” said Lee, halting for a seconds and then throwing his dirty socks into his plastic wash basin.

This makes no sense to me. Curved tracks don't have corners.

I can't find a felicitous phrase then. Could you please give me a term to remember that says something like "the runners didn't follow the curved tracks but run straight perfunctorily" if any? Thank you in advance.

I still can't picture what you're describing. Collegiate runners in the USA typically practice on a curved running track which fits the contours of a stadium. There's no real way to run straight without following the curves on such a track. If you want to express that the runners were doing their exercises in a perfunctory fashion, I think you need to find another way to say that.

I thought it made sense to me. The runners go off the track (or out of their lane) towards the center and run straight across a section instead of following the corners. (I'm pretty sure it really is called "cutting corners" in track, whether the runner goes off the track or just into another runner's lane that is closer to the center.)
An exaggerated (but possible) version of it would be like running across the path of the red arrow in the first picture here instead of following the actual track:

Or probably it would be the same sort of thing but less dramatic, like the runner who should be in lane 3 in the last photo above instead going into lane 2 or lane 1 at the corners, or running on the footpath in the photo below instead of following the original brick path (if this were a running track, which of course it isn't, but I couldn't find a better photo):

The only thing that sounded odd to me about "I saw some of them cutting corners on curved tracks" was that it seemed unnecessary to mention that the tracks were curved, simply because they're normally that way and it can probably be assumed. I would have just said "I saw some of them cutting corners on the track." That sounds very clear to me. Adding "on curved tracks" makes no difference to the meaning for me, so it seems unnecessary, but also doesn't really hurt anything.
If this is what you meant, azhong, then I'd say your wording works for me. If it's not what you meant, then it doesn't.

[azhong]

Yes, what I intended to express is the situation Linguaphile described: The runner didn't run on their track honestly but ran off onto an inner track or even into the central field, so that they could slack off by running shorter.

Thank you both for your thorough reply. (I really didn't intend to bother you so much for a terminology not so critical to my current level. I would have skipped the question directly if I knew it would cost you so many words to respond. Thank you again.)

[azhong]

(My practice, rewriting a scene near the end of chapter 1, HP2.)

Harry was spreading manure on the flower bed, the fervid sun in the July afternoon blazing overhead. This labour was a punishment from Aunt Petunia for his earlier emotional trick to Dudley, where Harry claimed he was about to perform magic and set the backyard hedge on fire. The fierce heat was burning the back of his neck, sweat drops following one another and churning down his face. Harry Potter I am, so famous among all wizards and witches – I wish they would see me now, Harry thought savagely, and I wonder what they would say.

[azhong]

(My practice: a scene from chapter 1, HP2.)

It was a bright morning, but Harry, sitting along on the backyard bench, was in a bad mood. Today was his birthday, but he had received no cards from Ron or Hermione. He had in fact got no connections with any guys he knew at Hogwarts since the day he came back to live with the Dursleys for summer vacation, as if his experiences of the magical world was nothing more than illusion. And what had made it worse, he just received a good snarl from his uncle Vernon earlier at breakfast. The hedge gleamed under the sunshine, which he stared blankly at with his depression, as a jeering voice floated across the lawn.
“Haven’t you even made any friends at that freak school?” sneered Dudley, waddling toward Harry with a foul smile.
“Had better not let your mom hear you mentioning about my school,” Harry said irritatingly.