Azhong's Writing Practice.

[azhong]

(My practice.)
The train entered, sped down and finally stopped. Then, its doors opened, some passengers got off the carriages, and the others on the platform huddled nearby the doors waiting to get on. All were in a scene of hustle and bustle. The broadcasting was announcing the train would be soon leaving, and on the platform a squat station master in uniform was also whistling, emitting high-pitched sounds, urging the passengers getting on the train to speed up. The people just off the train was flowing along toward the entrances of the subway leading to the exit. The doors of carriages closed up, the station master’s right arm was circling after he had switched on and off a lasting, loud ring, a signal of safety to the driver, who was permitted to start the train now. After a sudden shake, the train moved forward, slowly at first but speeding-up rapidltt, faster and faster, the last carriage also flashing past at last. Having finished his task, the station master took his slow steps back to his office, not through the subway but across the tracks, and left the platform, too. The commotion ended, and the platform returned to its earlier emptiness and quietness, which would last for quarters of an hour till the next train’s arrival.

[azhong]

A query about the bolded sentence, please. Thank you in advance for your reply.

“Do you recognize our guest, Draco?” asked Voldemort, stroking the snake’s snout with his wand-free hand.
Draco shook his head jerkily.
“But you would not have taken her classes,” said Voldemort. (re-narrated from chapter 1, HP 7.)

Are my sentences below grammatical then? And, my question is, what subtle differences does Ms. Rowing’s sentence have with its special tense? What does “would” mean here? It is not a hypothetical tone, is it? Is her sentence with an implication that Voldemolt thought Draco was lying or something?

S1) (You don’t recognize our guest) because you didn’t take her classes. (NAE dialect mainly, I guess?)
S2)…but you didn’t take her classes.
S3) (You don’t recognize our guest) because you haven’t taken her classes. (BE dialect mainly?)
S4)…but you haven’t taken her classes.

[azhong]

Another query about the inversion, please. Sometimes I see the verb is also inverted while sometimes not; an auxiliary verb is added and inversed in some cases but in other cases the existing auxiliary verb was not inverted. Could you please give me a rule to make a grammatical inversion? Thank you for your reply.

So jubilant were they that they did not hear.
Shocked, I was.
Truly your forgiveness I implore.
Not another word did she say until they had left the village…
Yesterday a ship I saw.
Yesterday saw I a ship.
Tomorrow will come the decision.
Patience you must have.

[azhong]

One more query about the word order of the phrase in bold.

Not another word did she say until they had left the village and were driving down a steep little hill, the road part of which had been cut so deeply into the soft soil, that the banks, fringed with blooming wild cherry-trees and slim white birches, were several feet above their heads.

How about the sentence I made below? Are both fine or is there anyone better?
Not another word did she say until they had left the village and were driving down a steep little hill, of which the road part had been cut…

Also, the marked comma is not necessary, is it? Thank you for your reply.

[azhong]

(My practice.)
Anne followed Matthew and carried her old carpet-bag carefully in a certain way so that the handle would not pull out. They walked over toward the yard of the hotel in front where Matthew’s buggy was; all the way Anne kept talking about every random thing coming to her mind while Matthew kept his habitual quietness as a rancher. Anne, however, also turned silent after the sorrel mare tripped off the train station, possibly in need of some formal breath at last. Not another word did she say all the way until they had left the village and were driving down a steep little hill, of which the road part had been cut so deeply into the soft soil that the banks, fringed by blooming wild cherry-trees, were several feet above their heads.

[azhong]

(My practice.)
1) The older I get, the younger I feel spiritually and the readier I am to greet the end of my present life, to meet my better after life.

2) I might make a mistake. "Childhood scenery" seems idiomatic; however, I didn't see any "childhood beautiful scenery" or "childhood something scenery". I guess "beautiful childhood scenery" might work. I am not sure if "beautiful childhood scenery" means the same as "the beautiful scenery I saw when I was a child", though.

[azhong]

(My writing Practice.)
How long can a pair of shoes be worn? The answer varies with different owners: a mountain-climber versus an office worker, for example, or one wearing it everyday while the other, twice a week. How many years can a human live? Despite being the same age, two persons once looking equally young at twenty might appear obviously distinct at fifty in retaining their youthfulness. The older they turn, the more dissimilar they will appear. We can all neither live forever nor last our eternal youth. The way one depletes one’s life dominates palpably one’s lifespan. In addition, the secret evil we have been accumulating into our mind over time will also consume our energy furtively and continuously, in particular, causing its adverse effects by bringing us into nightmares, thwarting us to sleep well.

[azhong]

(My practice.)
Passengers jammed in, hustling one another; the influx made the railway carriage more crowded. Those who lacked seats crammed themselves on the aisle and shrank. On the platform the stationmaster whistled intensely and loudly. The train started finally, again with jars that the children near us had been expecting, making them shriek and shout excitedly with every shake.

[azhong]

(My practice.)
Harry suddenly sat bolt upright on the garden bench. Having been staring absent-mindedly into the hedge, he found the hedge was staring back: Two enormous green eyes had appeared among the leaves. He jumped to his feet just as a jeering voice floated across the lawn.
“I know what day it is,” sang Dudley, waddling toward him.
The eyes blinked and vanished.
“So you have finally learned the days of the week.” said Harry, not taking his eyes off the spot where they had been.
“Why haven’t you got any cards on your birthday?” sneered Dudley, coming right up to Harry. “Haven’t you even got friends at that freak place?”
“Better not let your mom hear you talking about my school,” said Harry coolly.
Dudley hitched up his trousers, which was slipping down his fat bottom.
“Why are you staring at the hedge?” said Dudley suspiciously.
“I am trying to decide what would be the best spell to set it on fire,” said Harry.

[azhong]

(My practice.)
V: We should all be in position at eight o’clock, when—
P: (promptly) I’ll be in the lounge, waiting to welcome them graciously to our house.
D: (with a foul, simpering smile) And I’ll be waiting to open the door. “May I take your coats, Mr. and Mrs. Mason?”
V: (touched) Excellent. I’ll lead them into the lounge, introduce you, Petunia, and pour them drinks. And at eight fifteen—
P: I’ll announce dinner.
D: And I’ll say, (stretching his arm) “May I take you through to the dining room, Mrs. Mason?”
V: Exactly. And we should aim to get in some good compliments at dinner. Any ideas?
P: “Vernon tells me you’re a wonderful golfer, Mr. Mason…Do tell me where you bought your dress, Mrs. Mason.”
D: …How about “We had to write an essay about our hero at school, Mr. Mason, and I wrote about you.”
V: Good boy. And when dinner’s over, you take Mrs. Mason back to the lounge for coffee, Petunia, and I will bring the subject around to drills. With any luck, I’ll have the deal signed and sealed before the news at ten, the biggest deal of my career.
P: And we’ll be shopping for a vocation home at Majorca this time tomorrow.

[azhong]

(My writing practice.)
His dissenting voice spawned adverse reactions from almost all and sundry at once, a strong atmosphere of hostility shrouding him. The backlash, however, did not shake him but spurred his resolution to gain their approval. Standing straight with his fist holding tightly, his voice high but rational, he kept elaborating his proclaims.

(A passage growing from the previous one.)
I was walking on an unfamiliar street, and found it odd that all pedestrians I came across nodded to me, but none of them I knew. It was probably a practice here, I guessed; you were supposed to nod to all and sundry you met along. I thus also started nodding to the after walkers in return, with my smile.

Near a street corner, a young man in a cloak seemed to be waiting for me; having been leaning against the wall smoking, he stubbed out his cigarette on the ground and stood straight at my approach. He steered me into the drawing room of a house sumptuously decorated but dimly lighted. After getting accustomed to the lack of light, I saw a flock of people sitting around a long, ornate table and apparently having a serious discussion.

A man in full, dark beard stood up and spoke in a language I couldn’t figure. His voice appeared a dissent: it spawned adverse reactions from almost everyone at once, a strong atmosphere of hostility shrouding him. The backlash seemed not to shake but, instead, to spur him to gain their approval. Standing bolt upright with his fist holding tightly, his voice high but rational, he seemingly kept elaborating his proclaims. The fire in the fireplace, the only illumination in the old room, roared, leaped and swayed.

[linguoboy]

I am clearer now. But my next question, pls: why is being added in the modifier then? What subtle differences does its participation create? When had I better preserve it and when, leave it out? (Is S2 still natural with an one-word post-modifier?)

S1) He walked away, being hungry.
S2) He walked away, hungry.

Boy, this one is subtle. For me, the "being" adds a causal implication. That is, "hungry" on its own is a neutral statement: He walked away and he was hungry. But with being, it implies to me that he walked away because he was hungry. Compare this sentence from W.B. Yeats:

• Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy.

Here the causal implication is plain: He has an abiding sense of tragedy because he's Irish. Without that implication, the sentence doesn't work. "Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy" is grammatically possible but just doesn't work stylistically because the modifier "Irish" doesn't seem to relate to anything else in the sentence.

I have an inquiry about the bolded phrase, which soundsseems to make the sentence run-on, clear though to me because of the existence of were they. Am I correct?

The great snake…opened its mouth wide and hissed angrily, but the Death Eaters did not hear it, so jubilant were they at Bellatrix and the Malfoys’ humiliation.

I wouldn't call this "run-on". It's a high-register stylistic variant of:

• The Death Eaters were so jubilant at Bellatrix and the Malfoys’ humiliation [that] they did not hear it.

You have a double inversion here, putting the result clause "they did not hear it" before the main clause and then inverting the subject and predicate of the main clause. (This also requires swapping "they" with "Death Eaters" in order to make the pronoun reference clear.)

If you want to understand more about inversion in English, perhaps this page will help: http://random-idea-english.blogspot.com/2014/09/exploring-inversion-and-fronting.html.

A query about the bolded sentence, please. Thank you in advance for your reply.

“Do you recognize our guest, Draco?” asked Voldemort, stroking the snake’s snout with his wand-free hand.
Draco shook his head jerkily.
“But you would not have taken her classes,” said Voldemort. (re-narrated from chapter 1, HP 7.)

Are my sentences below grammatical then? And, my question is, what subtle differences does Ms. Rowing’s sentence have with its special tense? What does “would” mean here? It is not a hypothetical tone, is it? Is her sentence with an implication that Voldemolt thought Draco was lying or something?

No, this is a specific modal use of will/would which expresses strong conjecture. Voldemort doesn't actually know for a fact that Draco hasn't taken her classes--he wasn't there--but based on what he knows of Draco, whoever the snake is, the courses at Hogwarts, etc., he feels confident asserting that this is a fact. Compare:

• He will have eaten by then. [Confident prediction of a future event.]
• He would have eaten by then. [Confident conjecture of a past event.]

[azhong]

In the coffee shop it was almost empty now. Nick, the shopkeeper, was standing by the water tank[1] behind the bar at a corner of the room, cleaning cups and dishes. At another far corner[2] in front of Nick sat two malemen, whom Nick was unfamiliar with. They were young. Their bodies were both well-shaped, with muscles from gyms. One was obviously less strong than the other, though. They chatted and teased each other, their voices being gentle.

(A practice grown from the previous passage.)
In the snug coffee shop it was almost empty now. The shopkeeper Nick was making good use of his time to do the washing-up by the bar sink. In front of him, at the far corner, sat the only table of customers, two unfamiliar young men. Both looked fit; even the less muscular also displayed under his white tank top a figure that was no doubt the product of many hours spent in the gym. They chatted cheerfully, their voices gentle, and slightly pranked each other at times.

[linguoboy]

In the snug coffee shop it was almost empty now.

This is an awkward sentence. Better to go with:

1. The snug coffee shop was almost empty now.
2. It was almost empty in the snug coffee shop now.

The purpose of "it" in (2) is to allow you to move "almost empty" up front and delay introducing "the snug coffee shop", so it makes no real sense to do that and then move "the snug coffee shop" in front of it.

The shopkeeper Nick was making good use of his time to do the washing-up by the bar sink. In front of him, at the far corner

I don't really get what's being described. Why would Nick be facing "the far corner" while working at a sink? Generally in a coffee shop, the sink is oriented so that while working at it you face a wall or you face toward the entrance so if there's only one person working that person can keep an eye on who's coming in.

sat the only table of customers, two unfamiliar young men. Both looked fit; even the less muscular also displayed under his white tank top a figure that was no doubt the product of many hours spent in the gym. They chatted cheerfully, their voices gentle, and slightly pranked each other at times.

"Pranked" is an odd choice. A prank is a practical joke; putting salt in someone's drink or hiding their bag would be examples of "pranks". But it would be very odd for two adult men to be playing jokes like this while sitting and chatting quietly. So maybe what they're actually doing is "teasing" (i.e. verbally poking fun at) each other?

[azhong]

The shopkeeper Nick was making good use of his time to do the washing-up by the bar sink. In front of him, at the far corner

I don't really get what's being described. Why would Nick be facing "the far corner" while working at a sink? Generally in a coffee shop, the sink is oriented so that while working at it you face a wall or you face toward the entrance so if there's only one person working that person can keep an eye on who's coming in.

If Nick stands against a wall and faces the inner space so that he can see its whole scope, can I say that all these things he can see were “in front of Nick”?
If it is allowed, furthermore, as long as Nick doesn’t happen to stand exactly in the middle line where the farther two corners will be equally distant, there would naturally be a far corner to Nick, wouldn’t there? Is it improper to name the position in this case as “at the far corner in front of Nick”?
Or perhaps, should I say it more precisely like - unsure if these terms are natural - “at the far corner in his front left/right” or “at the far corner sideways”?

[azhong]

I am going to summarize what I’ve learned about the position of an adverb, mainly a manner adverb so far.
In my high school years when I just started studying English as a foreign language, what I had learned was to put habitually almost all adverbs either at the beginning or at the end of a sentence. It is obvious that these two positions are grammatically safer, me cautiously making no mistakes in exams. My recent reading experiences, however, showed me that Ms. Rowling, if not all native writers, tends to put her adverbs very often in the middle of a sentence instead. An adverb in her sentence seems to have become a fairy that can freely fly around and elegantly perch anywhere, making her sentences more exquisite. It has been a goal for me to aim at.

The basic sentence structure in English is
Subject – auxiliary verb – transive verb – object --, or
Subject – auxiliary verb – intransive verb –
Thus, there are mainly three also grammatical but more skillful positions, labelled (a), (b), and (c).
Subject -(a)- Auxiliary verb -(b)- Verb -(c)- object or something else

Rules:
1)Putting related words as closer as possible, which is no doubt reasonable for the conciseness.

2.1)An adverb is typically put after a be-verb. e.g.:
He is surely nice.

2.2) It’s also grammatical when an adverb is put before a be-verb; however, it gives an emphasis on the adverb.
Why asking? He surely is nice.
or when there is no compliment after the be-verb.
I am undoubtedly excellent. I undoubedly always am.

3.1) An adverb is also typically put after a general verb. e.g.:
He sings well.
*He well sings. (unsure but sounding rare to me.)
Harry paid dearly for his moment of fun. (from chapter 1, HP2)
*Harry dearly paid for his moment of fun. ( made by me. Unsure but sounding weird, too.)

3.2) But the position before a general verb seems to become proper for a second adverb:
He sings surely well.
He surely sings well.

As an overture on this topic, please let me know if any understanding is wrong, or any sentence example is unnatural. I have been quite puzzled by the more skillful positions of adverbs these recent weeks.

Also, another related question: if I intend to move the “incessantly” into the middle of the sentence,
"He kept elaborating his claims incessantly."
I guess the most correlative word to it is “elaborating”? Thus I will say
S1)He kept incessantly elaborating his claims.
S2)He kept elaborating incessantly his claims.
Which one of them is better? And I guess either of the two is better than
S3)He incessantly kept elaborating incessantly his claims.
Am I correct or wrong?

Thank you in advance for your help.

[linguoboy]

If Nick stands against a wall and faces the inner space so that he can see its whole scope, can I say that all these things he can see were “in front of Nick”?

That part is fine.

If it is allowed, furthermore, as long as Nick doesn’t happen to stand exactly in the middle line where the farther two corners will be equally distant, there would naturally be a far corner to Nick, wouldn’t there? Is it improper to name the position in this case as “at the far corner in front of Nick”?

It's odd. Other fluent-speakers should jump in here, but for me the meaning of "far corner" is not identical to "the corner further from someone". The way you've described the scene, I have no real sense of the layout of the shop or where the occupied table is located in relation to anything.

Or perhaps, should I say it more precisely like - unsure if these terms are natural - “at the far corner in his front left/right” or “at the far corner sideways”?

"off in the corner to his left/right" would sound more natural (and that way you wouldn't need to specify "in front of him").

[linguoboy]

The basic sentence structure in English is
Subject – auxiliary verb – transitive verb – object --, or
Subject – auxiliary verb – intransitive verb –
Thus, there are mainly three also grammatical but more skillful positions, labelled (a), (b), and (c).
Subject -(a)- Auxiliary verb -(b)- Verb -(c)- object or something else

A little useful terminology: "argument" is a cover term that includes both objects and complements. Other elements which appear in the predicate but which aren't necessary to complete the meaning of the verb (like adverbs) are called "adjuncts".

"General verb" isn't a term of art. The usual term contrasting to "auxiliary verb" is "main verb".

I don't know what "skillful" is intended to mean in this context.

Why asking? He surely is nice.

He sings well.
*He well sings. (unsure but sounding rare to me.)

The is ungrammatical.

Harry paid dearly for his moment of fun. (from chapter 1, HP2)
*Harry dearly paid for his moment of fun. ( made by me. Unsure but sounding weird, too.)

Possible, but very emphatic.

He sings surely well.

Unidiomatic. It sounds like "surely" is an adverb of manner here rather than a sentence adverb.

Also, another related question: if I intend to move the “incessantly” into the middle of the sentence,
"He kept elaborating his claims incessantly."
I guess the most correlative word to it is “elaborating”? Thus I will say
S1)He kept incessantly elaborating his claims.
S2)He kept elaborating incessantly his claims.
Which one of them is better? And I guess either of the two is better than
S3)He incessantly kept elaborating incessantly his claims.

S3 is the most emphatic. S2 is the most infelicitous.

As for the overall analysis, I think it is hampered by not incorporating the distinction between different classes of adverbs, particularly adverbs of manner (like "incessantly" and "well") and sentence adverbs (like "surely" and "undoubtedly") which I outlined in my PM to you. Their syntax is not the same and I don't think it's possible to write a single set of rules which governs the behaviour of both.

(Many syntacticians have pointed out that "adverb" is not a well-defined word class in English parallel to "noun", "verb", "determiner", etc. but more of a grab bag of various kinds of adjuncts, including adverbs of manner, adverbs of degree, sentence adverbs, locative expressions, temporal expressions, etc.)

[azhong]

Hearing the customers’ laughter rise a bit higher, Nick glanced up over the coffee mill. There, the less-stronger one was hitting his mate on the head with his fist. His mate, sitting straight and still, accepted this gift. Nick smiled and drew his attentionwent back to his cleaning. Cold, cozy water flowed down through Nick's fingers.

(A practice grown from the earlier. Is the sentence in bold a successful double inversion?)
Being hearing the customers’ chuckles escalating into chortles, Nick glanced up out the corner of his eyes and, over the coffee mill, he saw in time the less-muscular stretching out his arm, hitting his buddy on the head. Not a solid bump had he applied, even Nick at a distance also knew by noticing that the springing fist sped down palpably as it approached. Although stronger, the attacked received what he was bestowed with glee by sitting bolt upright and still. Not even when Nick drew his attention back to his errands with smiles did the fist get off the head. The soapy forks, mugs and dishes clinked, much more softly than the way those rods and bats stroke in the fights among gangs.

[linguoboy]

Hearing the customers’ laughter rise a bit higher, Nick glanced up over the coffee mill. There, the less-stronger one was hitting his mate on the head with his fist. His mate, sitting straight and still, accepted this gift. Nick smiled and drew his attentionwent back to his cleaning. Cold, cozy water flowed down through Nick's fingers.

(A practice grown from the earlier. Is the sentence in bold a successful double inversion?)

The syntax of that one particular clause is fine, but the sentence as a whole doesn’t work for a number of reasons.

Being hHearing the customers’ chuckles escalating into chortles, Nick glanced up out the corner of his eyes in and in time to see, over the coffee mill, he saw in time the less-muscular of the two stretching out his arm and hitting his buddy on the head.

This is not a good sentence. It doesn't flow well and it's difficult to tell what is happening. I would break it into two, perhaps three, shorter sentence and rearrange some of the elements.

Not a solid bump had he applied, even Nick at a distance also knew by noticing that the springing fist sped down palpably as it approached.

So the first issue here is that inversion places heavy emphasis on the initial element. This is usually done to stress the absoluteness of the statement:

(1) Not a single thing had he done for me that I might not just as well have done for myself without troubling him[.] (Harry Thurston Peck)

or to set up a contrast:

(2) Not a glancing blow but a solid punch delivered the man.

I think you may be doing the latter, but I honestly can't tell. You don't mention the fist again until the end of the sentence and "the springing fist sped down palpably" is just confusing. At first I thought the fist was "springing" back after striking the head, but that can't be the case because it's still "approaching". It's also "spe[e]d[ing] down" which makes it sound like it's getting slower and thus delivering a lighter blow. All in all, I have no real clue what kind of blow is being delivered.

Although stronger, the attacked received what he was bestowed with glee by sitting bolt upright and still.

"by sitting bolt upright" makes it sound like to me like he changes his posture to receive to blow, but "still" implies that he isn't moving at all. So, again, I don't understand what's happening here.

"Attacker" and "attacked" are also very strong words to use for a playful situation. "Attacker" is frequently used in police reports to describe a suspect who assaults or even murders a person. "Attacked" is rarely used at all.

Not even when Nick drew his attention back to his errands with smiles

This makes it sounds like Nick is using smiles to draw his attention back, not that he is drawing back his attention while smiling. An "errand" is a task which requires a trip to complete (like going shopping or delivering a package); you can't do "errands" just standing in front of a sink.

did the fist get off the head. The soapy forks, mugs and dishes clinked, much more softly than the way those rods and bats stroke in the fights among gangs.

Another odd sentence. The verb "stroke" doesn't imply contact so it makes it sound like you're talking about the sounds rods and bats make as they swish through the air.