azhong wrote:How about these two, still imitating Rowling's over-using construction?
The crash sounded, he being startled and the dog snarling.
(He was startled. And the dog snarled.)
The crash sounded, he being startled, the dog snarling.
"He being startled" sounds wrong. Perhaps better:
"The crash sounded, him being startled and the dog snarling".
Even so, it's not a construction I'd typically use.
azhong wrote:Moreover, according to the sentence:
they stood still, wands directed at each other
which means their wands
were directed. If the
were can be omitted, my
being/was should be able, too.
The crash sounded, he startled and the dog snarling.
As I pointed out before, you shouldn't have the word "and" between the past tense ("he startled") and the participle ("the dog snarling").
It is okay like this:
The crash sounded and he startled, the dog snarling.
azhong wrote:Now I am going to rewrite the passage of chapter one, book 7 below by changing it's sentence construction and making the style more natural.
The two men appeared out of nowhere, a few yards apart in the narrow, moonlit lane. For a second they stood quite still, wands directed at each other’s chests; then, recognizing each other, they stowed their wands beneath their cloaks and started walking briskly in the same direction.
azhong wrote:The two men appeared out of nowhere with a few yards apart in the narrow, moonlit lane.
"The two men appeared out of nowhere with a few yards
between them in the narrow, moonlit lane."
(If you are going to use the word "with", the word "apart" no longer works.)
azhong wrote:For a second they stood quite still and directing their wands at each other’s chests; then after recognizing each other, they stowed their wands beneath their cloaks and started walking briskly in the same direction.
Again, you shouldn't have the word "and" between the past tense ("they stood quite still") and the particle ("directing their wands at each others' chests"). If you remove "and", it is fine:
"For a second they stood quite still, directing their wands at each other’s chests; then after recognizing each other, they stowed their wands beneath their cloaks and started walking briskly in the same direction."
It
is possible to have the word "and" between a past tense form and a participle, but the only situation I can think of in which that would work, is if the word "and" connects two clauses that can both function independently without the participle.
For example:
"For a second they stood quite still, and, directing their wands at each other’s chests, they stowed their wands beneath their cloaks and started walking briskly in the same direction."
This works because it still makes sense if we take out the participle and leave "and":"
"For a second they stood quite still, and
, directing their wands at each other’s chests, they stowed their wands beneath their cloaks and started walking briskly in the same direction."
As you can (hopefully) see, yours does not still make sense if we take out the participle and leave "and":
"For a second they stood quite still and
directing their wands at each other’s chests; then after recognizing each other, they stowed their wands beneath their cloaks and started walking briskly in the same direction.
Maybe (?) this will provide you with a strategy for knowing when it is okay to use "and" between the past tense form and the participle. Otherwise, I would recommend that you just avoid it entirely.
azhong wrote:Also, another practice at the participial phrases.
...then, recognizing each other, they stowed their wands beneath their cloaks and started walking briskly in the same direction.
...then, recognizing each other, they
started walking briskly in the same direction, their wands stowed beneath their cloaks.
[/quote]
Yes, both of these are fine.