Azhong's Writing Practice.

[azhong]

(My practice, writing the first paragraph again.)
He wakened in good spirits, not forgetting he was in a trip. Off the soft, clean bed barefoot, the first thing he did was to draw the curtains apart briskly. And at once the mild light of the early morning entered through the French window and broke the earlier dimness of the room, showing its simple furniture and tidiness. He looked out of the window still, with peaceful expectations, at a handsome scenery: a huge jade-green lake outside the window immediately, surrounded by hills and mountains that overlapped one another in a distance, all covered by carpets of dark green trees.

[Linguaphile]

(My practice, writing the first paragraph again.)
He wakened in good spirits, not forgetting he was in a trip. Off the soft, clean bed barefoot, the first thing he did was to draw the curtains apart briskly. And at once the mild light of the early morning entered through the French window and broke the earlier dimness of the room, showing its simple furniture and tidiness. He looked out of the window still, with peaceful expectations, at a handsome scenery: a huge jade-green lake outside the window immediately, surrounded by hills and mountains that overlapped one another in a distance, all covered by carpets of dark green trees.

It's good! Just small changes:

He awakened in good spirits, not forgetting he was on a trip. After getting off the soft, clean bed barefoot, the first thing he did was to draw the curtains apart briskly. And at once the mild light of the early morning entered through the French window and broke the earlier dimness of the room, showing its simple furniture and tidiness. He looked out of the window still, with peaceful expectations, at a handsome scenery: a huge jade-green lake immediately outside the window immediately, surrounded by hills and mountains that overlapped one another in the distance, all covered by carpets of dark green trees.

You can say "off the bed" or "out of the bed". They are slightly different. We tend to say "off the bed" when a person has been sitting on the bed (usually on top of the blankets), and "out of the bed" when the person has been laying in it (under the sheets and blankets).

[azhong]

After getting off the soft, clean bed barefoot, the first thing he did was to draw the curtains apart briskly.

An inquiry please: What’s the differences between with and without “After getting”? Or is my original sentence without “after getting” just ungrammatical? I selected a prepositional phrase intentionally, so as to make the narration more concise.

Thank you.

[azhong]

(My practice, the second paragraph.)
Drawing the window screen open, he stepped into the balcony paved in red bricks. There was a round table with a glass desktop and white metal tube legs; two white plastic armchairs were at its both sides. The thrones for admiring the beauty of nature. The metal railing was also white, which he leaned over, propping on his elbow, enjoying the cozy breeze. The villa was extended into upon the lake, thus no earth could be seen beneath but all water. Farther to his left was a section of bridge passing to the pavilion near the lake center; nearer to his right was a cluster of lotus, seemingly not its time to blossom yet in March. Fish surfaced to breathe here and there, producing circles of ripples. Near the opposite bank, two white water birds were hovering along the lake surface, foraging.

[linguoboy]

After getting off the soft, clean bed barefoot, the first thing he did was to draw the curtains apart briskly.

An inquiry please: What’s the differences between with and without “After getting”? Or is my original sentence without “after getting” just ungrammatical? I selected a prepositional phrase intentionally, so as to make the narration more concise.

I don't know that it's ungrammatical but it's quite clunky. By itself, "off" doesn't really convey the notion of moving off of something as opposed to simply being located off of something. If you want to be more concise, "once off" would work, but for reasons I can't really articulate I don't think the sentence works with "barefoot" there. It's an odd modifier to insert in any case. Is it common where you are for people to go to bed wearing some sort of footwear? Moreover, what's the point of mentioning it given that it appears to be of no significance at all? You don't describe the focal figure as experiencing any sensation that they would not experience if their feet had some sort of covering (e.g. coldness from the floor, the rough feel of a mat, etc.). If concision matters to you, you should be asking not just what words are necessary to convey a particular detail but whether the detail itself is important enough to include in the first place.

Drawing the window screen open, he stepped onto the balcony paved in red bricks. There was a round table with a glass desktop and white metal tube legs flanked by two white plastic armchairs were at its both sides--thrones for admiring the beauty of nature.

The metal railing was also white, which he leaned over, propping on his elbow, enjoying the cozy breeze.

Separating "railing" from the relative clause "which he leaned over" is really awkward. Normally, you'd just flip them, but then that leaves the modifiers "propped on his elbow" and "enjoying the cozy breeze" dangling in space. I would make this two sentences.

The villa was extended into uponout over the lake, thus no earth could be seen beneath but all, only water. Farther to his left

"farther" than what?

was a section of bridge passingextending/connecting to the pavilion near the lake center; nearer to his right was a cluster of lotus, seemingly not its time to blossom yet in March. Fish surfaced to breathe here and there, producing circles of ripples. Near the opposite bank, two white waterbirds were hovering along the lake surface, foraging.

I don't think "hovering" works here, since it's usually used to describe what hummingbirds do (i.e. remain in place while flying).

[azhong]

(My practice, writing again the first paragraph. I deleted an "and" by worrying that there are too many ones in that sentence. And I tuned his mood a bit higher by leaving out "peaceful", since he had already no intention to wear slippers. )

He woke up in high spirits, not a bit too tired to remember he was on vacation. Getting out of the soft, clean bed, he walked toward the window barefoot without wasting any time to wear the slippers just by the bed. The first thing he did was to draw the curtains apart briskly. And At once the mild light of the early morning entered through the French window and broke the earlier dimness of the room, showing its simple furniture and tidiness. He looked out of the window still, with peaceful expectations, at handsome scenery: a huge jade-green lake immediately outside the window, surrounded by hills and mountains that overlapped one another in the distance, all covered by carpets of dark green trees.

[azhong]

(The second paragraph. Please help examine the changes in bold. Thank you.

Is there any word to express "moving from side to side", the way water birds flies when looking at a distance? Does "sway" suit?

@linguoboy: it seems water bird, or either is fine?)

Drawing the window screen open, he stepped into the balcony paved in red bricks. There was a round table with a glass top and white metal tube legs flanked by two white plastic armchairs -- the thrones for admiring the beauty of nature. He leaned over the railing, white as well; propping on his elbow, he enjoyed the cozy breeze. The villa was extended out over the lake, thus no earth could be seen beneath, only water. Far to his left was a section of bridge extending/connecting to the pavilion near the lake center, and nearer to his right, a cluster of lotus, seemingly not its time to blossom yet in March. Fish surfaced to breathe here and there, producing circles of ripples. Near the opposite bank, two white water birds were circling / flying from side to side along the lake surface, foraging.

There was a round table, its top glass and legs white metal tube, flanked by two white plastic arm chairs -- the thrones for admiring the beauty.

[linguoboy]

linguoboy: it seems water bird, or either is fine?)

“white water bird” could be read “white [water bird]” or “[white water] bird”. “white waterbird” is unambiguous.

[azhong]

(My practice for today: a draft of a dialogue among three college roommates.)

I was making efforts to my homework, a writing passage, and John was playing his mobile game when our roommate Lee returned after finishing his training hours. He was a member of our varsity table tennis team.
-How many persons did you beat today?
-Zero, definitely.
-On my way back I passed the sports field. I saw the varsity track and field team having their running training.
-And you found a pretty girl and get her Line, I guess?
-But she said she didn’t use Line.
-I saw some of them cutting corners on curved tracks.
-So? Did your pretty girl get punished by her couch, then?
-Or did you get punished by that pretty girl?
-It doesn’t make any sense to me at all to cut corners in training.
-It sounds just like I copy and paste a passage I read, and then say I write it from my memory.
-Or they have been tired, maybe.
-By the way, do you know any verb with the meaning of “flying from side to side”?
-Also by the way, what are we going to have for dinner?
-I need to take a shower first. I am covered with sweat.

[linguoboy]

(My practice, rewriting again the first paragraph. I deleted an "and" byfrom worrying that there are too many ones in that sentence. And I tuned his mood a bit higher by leaving out "peaceful", since he had already no intention to wear slippers. )

He woke up in high spirits, not a bit too tired to remember he was on vacation. Getting out of the soft, clean bed, he walked toward the window barefoot without wasting any time to wearput on[1] the slippers just by the bed. The first thing he did was to draw the curtains apart briskly. And At once the mild light of the early morning entered through the French window and broke the earlier dimness of the room, showing its simple furniture and tidiness. He looked out of the window still[2], with peaceful expectations[3], at handsome scenery: a huge jade-green lake immediately outside the window, surrounded by hills and mountains that overlapped one another in the distance, all covered by carpets of dark green trees.

[1] Wearing slippers takes no time at all, it's putting them on that does. Stative vs action.
[2] What do you mean "still"? You don't ever say he's started looking out the window.
[3] "expectantly" is both shorter and more usual than "with expectations"

Is there any word to express "moving from side to side", the way water birds fliesfly when lookingseen at a distance? Does "sway" suit?

I think we're operating with different definitions of "waterbird"? For me, it refers primarily to wading birds like egrets or sandpipers or diving birds like ducks or pelicans. None of these species move "side to side" above the water. That sounds like the behaviour of gulls, which I would call "seabirds".

In any case, "sway" doesn't work because it implies standing in a fixed point while the rest of you moves from side to side. (E.g. trees "sway" in the wind.) "Swing" has similar issues: it implies being suspended from a fixed point and moving back and forth underneath it. If it's important to include the notion of side-to-side motion, I think you need to state it explicitly.

Drawing the window screen open, he stepped into the balcony paved in red bricks.

You can't step "into" a balcony, you step "onto" one. You step "into" enclosed spaces; if you enclose a balcony, it ceases to be balcony and becomes a porch or something.

There was a round table with a glass top and white metal tube legs flanked by two white plastic armchairs -- the thrones for admiring the beauty of nature. He leaned over the railing, white as well; propping himself on his elbow, he enjoyed the cozy breeze. The villa was extended out over the lake, thus no earth could be seen beneath, only water. Far to his left was a section of bridge extending/connecting to the pavilion near the lake center, and nearer to his right, a cluster of lotus, seemingly not its[*]their time to blossom yet in March. Fish surfaced to breathe here and there, producing circles of ripples. Near the opposite bank, two white water birds were circling / flying from side to side along the lake surface, foraging.

[*] The usual plural of "lotus" is "lotuses". You can use "lotus" as a plural, but then you need to refer back to it with a plural pronoun. You can't use "cluster of" with a singular noun and using "its" to refer back to "cluster" sounds odd--it's the lotus plant itself which blooms.

There was a round table, its top glass and legs white metal tubes, flanked by two white plastic arm chairs -- the thrones for admiring the beauty.

Why do you keep putting "the" here? You haven't referred to the chairs before so there's no reason for them to be definite. In general, adpositional phrases agree in definiteness with their heads.

[azhong]

(I rewrite the same two paragraphs, correcting my previous errors and replacing some words for practice.)

Soon after waking up, he leaped out of the bed spiritedly in the vacation morning. Without spending time putting on his slippers, he strode barefoot across the villa room to draw the curtains aside. The moderate morning light brightened his expectant expressions when he, standing still, looked outward: A lake immediately outside the French window and fringed by shrubbery lay so tremendous that it extended to the dark green hills enveloped in mist in the distance.
He drew the window screen open and stepped onto the balcony. It was paved in red bricks and bordered with railings in a cold white as the window. A round table was located, its top frosted glass and its legs metal tubes, flanked by two plastic chairs – thrones for enjoying the masterpiece of nature. All these furniture was also snow white in harmony. He leaned over the railings by having his chin propped on his elbows, all his pores bathed in cozy breezes. The villa extending out over the lake, thus beneath him was no ground, only water. A section of bridge far to his left crouched, connecting to the pavilion about the lake center; a cluster of lotuses nearer to his right slept, not in their bloom yet in March. Here and there he saw circles of ripples expanding which fish surfaced and produced; near the opposite bank in the distance, two white seabirds were circling over the lake foraging.

[azhong]

The villa extended out over the lake, thus no earth could be seen beneath but all, only water.

I am still puzzled with my original term "but all water"; I can see that "only water" following a comma sounds more, how to say it, "dramatic"? But Nothing seems ungrammatical in my sentence?

*...thus no earth could be seen beneath but all water.
It is not earth but water.
There is no earth (beneath) but all water.
No earth could be seen beneath but all water.

Thank you for your reply.

[azhong]

(I emended the last paragraph.)
Then, noticing some ripples appeared clearer and grew larger before they finally vanished, he thought it started drizzling. He stared up at the sky, his mood turning low -- almost none liked to have rain on their trip -- but the sky was bright and dry. After his close observation, he found out these ripples were induced by the dews that, having condensed on the roof over night, were falling from the eaves sporadically. He thus regained his good mood, looking forward to a coming buffet breakfast.

[linguoboy]

*...thus no earth could be seen beneath but all water.
It is not earth but water.
There is no earth (beneath) but all water.
No earth could be seen beneath but all water.

Something about adding "all" here makes the phrase sounds awkward. It's not ungrammatical, just infelicitous.

Again, if you want me to focus solely on grammaticality and ignore choices which make your prose sound awkward or jar the reader, I can. It all depends what your goals are here.

[azhong]

Again, if you want me to focus solely on grammaticality and ignore choices which make your prose sound awkward or jar the reader, I can. It all depends what your goals are here.

The comments you are giving is surely better, telling me a more natural expression, and I thank you. I just need to make sure if my grammar goes wrong, too.

[azhong]

(I take this reply to linguoboy also as my writing practice for today.)

(Continuing from the previous post) The help you have been providing actually suits me very well. Your conciseness, only giving direct corrections without too many explanations in detail, will cost you less time. I need to study myself then, thinking, looking them up in the dictionary and remembering my existed knowledge, which is eventually beneficial to me. It’s polite to me that the effort should always be on the learner but not on the helper. Besides, the more effort I spend now, the longer I will remember; otherwise, answers that come easier will also go easier. Afterwards, if I am still puzzled after my study, I should ask actively by telling you what I might be sure and am still unsure.

(Just coming to my mind after writing these, FYI: as a professional teacher you might have interest to read some ancient Chinese wisdom for teaching and learning, the thirteenth passage in the chapter named 學記 from the classic 禮記.)

[linguoboy]

I need to study myselfone my own then

"study myself" is reflexive, but it's not yourself that you're studying, it's English.

thinking, looking them up in the dictionary and remembering my existeding knowledge, which is eventually beneficial to me. It’s polite to me that the effort should always be on the learner but not on the helper. Besides, the more effort I spend now, the longer I will remember; otherwise, answers that come easier will also go easier. Afterwards, if I am still puzzled after my study, I should ask actively by telling you what I might be sure of and what I am still unsure of.

(Just coming to my mind after writing thesethis, FYI: as a professional teacher you might have interest toin reading some ancient Chinese wisdom for teaching and learning, the thirteenth passage in the chapter named 學記 from the classic 禮記.)

謝謝你！

[azhong]

(My practice.)
While Jack was mowing the lawn in the backyard under the blazing afternoon sun of the fierce August, his wife Petunia was snuggling on the couch eating ice cream in the air-conditioned living room. Then Jack trimmed the flower bed and spread manure on it, when Petunia lolled about watching Sunday TV episodes, tasting a pudding with whipped cream and sugared violets. After pruning and watering the roses, Jack washed the car, covering in sweat, when Petunia was carefully manicuring her nails, throwing a thin jacket on to keep herself from feeling cold. Jack finished all the tasks at last and, crossing through the backdoor to the bathroom, was enjoying the cold water out of the showerhead splashing, just then he heard Petunia protesting with her delicately pretty voice, “honey, you should pave newspaper first and walked on it. You’ve brought the earth in again. You are always making the house in a mess.”
“Sorry, honey,” replied Jack tenderly and regretfully. “I will mop all the floor at once after my shower.”

[azhong]

(My practice, rewriting the 3rd paragraph.)

► Show Spoiler

¶ In the coffee shop it was almost empty now. Nick, the shopkeeper, was standing by the water tank[1] behind the bar at a corner of the room, cleaning cups and dishes. At another far corner[2] in front of Nick sat two malemen, whom Nick was unfamiliar with. They were young. Their bodies were both well-shaped, with muscles from gyms. One was obviously less strong than the other, though. They chatted and teased each other, their voices being gentle.

¶ Hearing the customers’ laughter rise a bit higher, Nick glanced up over the coffee mill. There, the less-stronger one was hitting his mate on the head with his fist. His mate, sitting straight and still, accepted this gift. Nick smiled and drew his attentionwent back to his cleaning. Cold, cozy water flowed down through Nick's fingers.

¶ Time was not early.It was getting late. It was nice to callend the day off[3] with them two of them, Nick thought. Tonight there would be no one’s chest towould be knelt on. Nor would anyone be choked with both hands, nor would anyone’s head be hammered on the ground. Muscles should not be used for thosethat. Nor should pocket knives nor dirty barks[4] nor injuries nor blood. Nor splinters of china to be cleared away. No more customers would enter, Nick guessed. He was ready to return home and, after a quick shower, stretched himself out on the bed. But Nick did not hurry; he took his time. He would not close his shop till after the couple had left. The china in the sink clanked very slightly once in a while.

¶ The cafe was clean and light. The wood of the tables shone from wiping; the wooden chairs were carved and comfortable. Out from the loud-speakers it was playing a piece of piano jazz. Over the loudspeakers a piano jazz piece was playing. An aroma in the air, an aroma of coffee and cookies--that was the typical smell for most coffee shops. But Nick's small coffee house owned[5] something else.

● [1] A "water tank" is normally enclosed. If you're referring to what he's doing the washing up in, the word you want is "sink".
● [2] "The far corner" would mean the corner furthest from Nick. So if Nick is standing by the sink in the lower-right corner of the café shown here:
then the "far corner" would be the table by the window closest to the restrooms.
There's only one "far corner" for any given location, so it doesn't make sense to speak of "another far corner".
● [3] To "call off" something is to cancel it.
● [4] "Dirty barks" doesn't mean anything to me here.
● [5] Houses are "owned"; they can't "own" anything themselves. "Had" is probably what you want here.

¶ Three questions about nor.
● 1) Should the be be deleted, too?
...Nor would anyone be choked with both hands, nor anyone’s head be hammered on the ground.

I think it's clearer with be.

● 2) Why is it below nor A or B or C? Should it not be nor A nor B nor C?
Nor should pocket knives or injuries or blood.
（c.f.1 He can’t do it; nor can I, nor can you, nor can anybody.
● 2 Nor would anyone be choked..., nor anyone’s head…)

In that case, the syntax should be slightly different: "Nor should pocket knives, nor injuries, nor blood."
You've grouped the various things you're negating into several sentences rather than have just one long string of "nor" phrases. Presumably there's some reason for that which is why I think "Nor X or Y or Z. Nor A or B or C" sounds better.

● 3）No splinters of china to be cleared away.
Can I say
Nor would splinters of china to be cleared away.
(c.f. Nor should pocket knives…)

It depends what you're trying to say. Let's look at the whole context:

Muscles should not be for those. Nor pocket knives nor dirty barks nor injuries nor blood. Nor splinters of china to be cleaned.

If you use "nor" here it sounds like you're saying "Splinters of china to be cleaned shouldn't be used [for fighting]".
But that doesn't really make sense--people don't use splinters of china as weapons except under the most unusual circumstances. Plus the modifier "to be cleaned" suggests to me that the meaning is really "There shouldn't be splinters of china left that need to be cleaned up" and you're looking for a fancier way to say it that is parallel to the preceding sentences.
Using "nor" repeatedly in this way is pretty elevated stylistically. Honestly, it doesn't recall Hemingway to me, since he tried to express himself in a more down-to-earth manner.

¶ It was getting late. It was nice to end the day [3] with them two the two of them, Nick thought. Tonight no one’s chest would be knelt on. Nor would one anyone be choked with both hands or , nor would anyone’s head be hammered on the ground. Muscles should not be used for those that. Nor should pocket knives nor or dirty barks[4] or injuries or blood. Nor No splinters of china to be cleared away. No more customers would enter, Nick guessed. He was ready to return home and, after a quick shower, stretched himself out on the bed. But Nick did not hurry; he took his time. He would not close his shop till after the couple had left. The china in the sink clanked very slightly once in a while.

¶ (Stream of consciousness) It's already late, Nick thought. No* more customers would come in. It's nice to end the day/call it a day with the two the two of them/these two, to end another evening when no one around me was/getting /were beaten down on the ground.

► Show Spoiler

c.f. capitalized "No" with quotation marks:
"It's late," thought Nick,"No one will enter."
"No one" always takes singular agreement in English, just like "one" and "someone".

¶ No chests kneeled knelt on, no throats pressed, no heads hammered. I shouldn't have used my muscles from workouts that way. No threatening yells or pocket knives or injuries or blood. No one will be sent to the hospital/needs to go to the ER[NAE]/needs to go to (casualty) A&E[UK]*. No one needs to escape from police officers running after, either. Peace.

► Show Spoiler

casualty: a person injured or killed in a serious accident or war

The "emergency room" (often abbreviated to "ER") is an area of a hospital, not really a specific room. ERs often have individual rooms or bays(bay: a partly enclosed space) for holding patients but these are for temporary use. Patients are either treated there and released or, in more serious cases, they are "admitted" and assigned a room on one of the regular floors.

admit: to allow someone to enter a hospital

¶ Mentally/In his mind, Nick had returned to his homely place* home, taken a relaxing shower, and collapsed on his bed;

► Show Spoiler

"Homely" means "ugly". The word for "like a home" is "homey", but it doesn't make any sense to use "homey place" when you're actually talking about his home.

¶ however, he took his time doing the washing-up. Not till after the couple had left would he close his shop. Faucet water/Tap water flew down along Nick's fingers and flashed in the sink. It was cozily cool.

[azhong]

(My practice: the first paragraph of hiking.)

I went hiking last Friday morning, a spontaneous activity as I woke up very spiritually after a quite long sleep. The runaway nap started from the previous late afternoon. I guess I am experiencing my menopause as an ageing male, more easily getting tired at day. Being so energetically awake in such early hours was unusual to me; not even after I had finished my breakfast did the sun get up. Riding on my bike then, I moved off eastward in the twilight. Streets lay deserted, wayside lights guarded on sentry duty dedicatedly amid sleeping buildings, and ahead in the distance a chain of hills curved and spread in different deep grays.