azhong wrote:Q: I guess I just need to leave out the quotation marks in your revision if I intend to use the skill of stream of consciousness? Should the colored "No" still be capitalized when without quotation marks?
No, it should only be capitalised if it's preceded by a period.
azhong wrote:No one will be sent to the hospital needs to stay over in an emergency room.
The "emergency room" (North American usage; often abbreviated to "ER") is an area of a hospital, not really a specific room. ERs often have individual rooms or bays for holding patients but these are for temporary use. Patients are either treated there and released or, in more serious cases, they are "admitted" and assigned a room on one of the regular floors. The usual expression would "needs to go to the (emergency room)(ER) [NAE]/to (casualty)(A&E) [UK]".
azhong wrote:¶ At another stall, a woman was buying a kind of oval vegetable, cucumbers maybe. She took picked one up, carefully checked it, put it down and then picked another. The seller was nearby displaying another kind of vegetable and intervened.
Is the "she" here the focus character from the previous scene or the woman at the stall who's just been introduced?
azhong wrote:“Are you able o pick or are you not? Those with both heads round are good,” he said rudely, grabbing one from the pile. ”This one is good.”
Kind of an odd phrasing. More natural would be "Do you know how to pick a good one or not?" If "head" here refers to either end of the unidentified vegetable, "end" would be better. And I'd say "rounded" in that case because you're not talking about something being completely round (i.e. shaped like a ball).
azhong wrote:He was tall and toned, wearing a black sweater hat
This isn't a thing. Maybe you mean a
knit cap?
azhong wrote:The woman paid and left. He reorganized the pile of cucumbers, giving an unfriendly look out of his eye corners toward her direction.
First, it's always "corner of the eye", never *"eye corner", and "in her direction", not "toward her direction", since "toward" by itself means "in the direction of". It's all very wordy and I'd prefer something like "he glared at her out of the corner of his eye".
azhong wrote:“DoCan I still make business or notany money if all are soeveryone is as picky like as you?” he complained.
At the same time, a tubby man with a grey goatee beard and also wearing an apron, his co-worker maybe, walked toward him quickly and excitedly informing him, “She's coming! She's coming!"
"at the time" = back in those days (E.g. "At the time, I was still only getting paid ten dollars an hour.')
"at the same time" = simultaneously
"Richmond is a real scholar; Owen just learns languages because he can't bear not to know what other people are saying."--Margaret Lattimore on her two sons