Hmm, no one's done England yet
Here we are then:
-When you meet someone you should shake their hand and nod your head and you can say your full name to them and then you say "nice to meet you". You can also say "nice to have met you" and shake hands again when you part company. Men do NOT kiss (English people WILL shout homophobic things at you in the street unless of course you're in a gay district). Women don't kiss either although it seems to be fashionable amongst teen girls to kiss at the moment..I go to a girls school and i get kissed on average 5 times a week. If someone does this to you more than once a day you have the right to call them a lesbian. It's not very normal :X
..Unless of course you are indeed a lesbian
-When you're eating you should chew with your mouth closed, not talk whilst you eat, keep your elbows off the table and attempt to eat everythng with a knife and fork (except fast food).
You do not slurp(!!) when you're eating, it's veeerrrry rude! We had a chinese boy here who slurped so loudly and it really irritates us English people..Don't do it!
Don't fart or burp..and don't get up straight away from the end of the meal. Also, you should not shovel your food in like there's no tomorrow, but you should clear your plate. Apparently etiquette here used to teach that you should chew food 144 times. Bah, I'd be late! And that's not good either!!
-English people are never late
Well, they are, but we like to pretend we're not. People will get severely annoyed if you're late so then it messes up your schedule.
-Coming around uninvited will annoy someone because they have not had time to hoover the carpet
We don't offer anyone anymore than a cup of tea usually, one or two digestive biscuits if you're lucky. Nothing more...and it's considered a rarity if you get any other food, unless you've been specifically invited round for dinner
How rude of us!
-Another weird thing about eating...when you're having a break between eating, you place your knife and fork apart on the plate. When you're done, you place them together at the bottom of the plate.
-You should always take your shoes off in someone else's house. It's rude not to. If you're allowed to keep them on, they will tell you. This also goes for if you're just popping in for some sugar or something.
-When you go to someones house you ring the doorbell or knock, but when they open it, it's considered highly impolite to barge in, even if they were expecting you. You have to stand out there in the rain until they let you in verbally
-Addressing people..hmm. We use Madam and Sir for people at formal occasions, and Mr/Mrs/Miss for all other people, for example elderly people (except your granny) are referred to as Mr Smith etc. If someone has a title (Reverend, Doctor) that's what you call them, cos they spent all that time at University training for it
-Touching! All you clingy people!! You do not touch English people. It's distinctly rude and people will freely insult you or even wrench the offending body part away from your reach. Girls are much more touchy than boys obviously, but even the slightest touch (except macho slapping of the back) will result in a bellowing "QUEER" from 99% of the male population in that vicinity :X Again, not if you're in a gay district..
-Yeah, it's polite to give up seats for old/disabled/pregnant people on a bus.. we're not completely cold hearted
-Allllllways say Please and thank you. We see all the other countries as quite..impolite if they dont say their p's and q's for every little thing. I read that some countries don't think for trivial things..but we do!! Thank us
-One last thing..if you ask a brit "how are you" s/he will invariable say "fine" even if their entire world is falling apart. British people will not burden you with their problems unless you're unfortunate enough to be a good friend
Something to do with our stiff upper lip
be careful if you do open a brit's pandora's box though..spare at least 2 weeks for it