Looks like a long rant about drugs with a couple of short comments about "self" on the side.
a very deep believer would never feel alone, just because, according to the religion, God understand everything.
Yes, exactly. This is the way I feel about Buddha, though perhaps I wouldn't word it exactly that way. It is that when and only when I have "faith" in the Buddha, in the place beyond self, the unknowable place, I feel especially that I am not alone. That everything that needs to be understood is understood. Recently, I realized that my roommate is my own personal Zen master, and I felt overcome with love. I felt completely understood. I told Sisyphe in conversation the other day that "understanding" is what your soul stands on.
I believe it involves our understanding that there's something beyond our own self that understands us, something we cannot reach by picking away at the worldly. To Socrates, wisdom meant "knowing that you do not know" because in reality, we know so very little, and yet we do know that there's something beyond our own ignorant self. According to Zen, there is nothing we can know but Here, Now.
The "impossibility" to be understood, just rise a loneliness feeling inside me
I have experienced that, too. But I don't think it's an impossibility to be understood so much as a lack of self-understanding. "Self-understanding" here means that you have found that place within you that is beyond you, so in a sense, you become the mysterious one who understands (when you become the non-self). You are, and you are not.
The point is : accepting to not be understood. I could decide to accept this (and actually I accept it, just because I cannot change it..), but I would continue to feel alone. I cannot erase my feelings... I can just avoid to think about it, and that's what I actually do.
Despite what you claim, I don't believe you have accepted it, at least not completely. Avoidance is a sure sign that you have not accepted something, that it bothers you. It is the same as running away from something. Is that what you call acceptance? Acceptance is not an external thing ("I know I can't change this external factor, therefore I will stay away from it even though it still bothers me"), but an internal one ("I know I cannot change this external factor, but I *can* change whether or not it bothers me").
Tell me, Glowim, if I have gone too far. This is a bit off-topic, I suppose, but I wanted to address something that came up. I don't mean to force my views on you, but you seem receptive to them, so... Anyway, more on topic, I realize now that by "understanding" another individual, I was referring to the material world of the false self. True understanding is beyond that, true acceptance is accepting even what we cannot accept by clinging to the ego, understanding even what we cannot understand in the discriminating world.
As for the drugs... Based on this description, it sounds more like it is creating a new self than really taking you outside yourself... as Vogelvrij suggested. I have an actor friend who told me that as an actor you are taking on a whole new self, unlike in Zen where you are releasing the self. He said that he got so into a role once that now he randomly has frightening thoughts of doing things he'd never, ever want to do in real life. I hope taking a psychedelic drug isn't like that.
"your conscious mind becomes aware of (or sometimes assaulted by
) things normally inaccessible to it." http://www.sciencedaily.com/articles/p/ ... c_drug.htm
Doesn't sound good to me.
This talk of peaceful druggies sounds bogus to me. I remember when a kid in my school went to jail after taking ecstacy because he had gotten into a mindless, wild fight and also slammed a chair into the wall for no apparent reason (besides the drug, of course). Taking these drugs and going insane does not require addiction, from the looks of it. The whole part about self-control sounds even more ridiculous. You don't establish self-control by running your mind off its tracks. And if you already had true self-control, you most likely wouldn't need drugs at all. As for the rest, I won't judge. It seems there are some potentially
"...only when we let go of self (ego) and be completely free of insecurities and limiting beliefs
can we begin to see our own reflection in the mirror and that of others."
I like that.