Personal Poetry

A place for everyone to have discussions about literature, classical and contemporary.

Moderator:Forum Administrators

KingHarvest
Posts:4168
Joined:2008-03-21, 5:46
Gender:male
Location:New York
Country:USUnited States (United States)
Re: Personal Poetry

Postby KingHarvest » 2009-02-04, 20:19

Not a sonnet :silly: A sonnet (in English) has to be in iambic pentameter and the rhyme scheme has to be ABAB CDCD EFEF GG (or if you want to write a Spenserian sonnet, abab bcbc cdcd ee).

(Not dissing your poem, it's just that a sonnet has a very structured form from which you can't really deviate)
Most men are rather stupid, and most of those who are not stupid are, consequently, rather vain.
-A.E. Housman

Eoghan
Posts:2169
Joined:2008-06-12, 9:34
Gender:male
Country:GBUnited Kingdom (United Kingdom)

Re: Personal Poetry

Postby Eoghan » 2009-02-04, 20:29

KingHarvest wrote:Not a sonnet :silly: A sonnet (in English) has to be in iambic pentameter and the rhyme scheme has to be ABAB CDCD EFEF GG (or if you want to write a Spenserian sonnet, abab bcbc cdcd ee).

(Not dissing your poem, it's just that a sonnet has a very structured form from which you can't really deviate)


And WTF is ABAB CDCD EFEF GG? In English please? :D I simply figured that you needed ten syllables in each line, lol, total failure :doggy:

KingHarvest
Posts:4168
Joined:2008-03-21, 5:46
Gender:male
Location:New York
Country:USUnited States (United States)

Re: Personal Poetry

Postby KingHarvest » 2009-02-04, 20:39

Sorry, that's how we represent rhyme scheme in English. I assumed that it was a common convention.


When, in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes, (A)
I all alone beweep my outcast state (B)
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries (A)
And look upon myself and curse my fate, (B)

Wishing me like to one more rich in hope, (C)
Featured like him, like him with friends possess'd, (D)
Desiring this man's art and that man's scope, (C)
With what I most enjoy contented least; (D)

Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising, (E)
Haply I think on thee, and then my state, (F)
Like to the lark at break of day arising (E)
From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate; (F)

For thy sweet love remember'd such wealth brings (G)
That then I scorn to change my state with kings. (G)

I put spaces between the three quatrains and the final heroic couplet so that it's easier to see the rhyme scheme, but normally they're all just written together like you did. A sonnet also needs 14 lines.
Most men are rather stupid, and most of those who are not stupid are, consequently, rather vain.
-A.E. Housman

Eoghan
Posts:2169
Joined:2008-06-12, 9:34
Gender:male
Country:GBUnited Kingdom (United Kingdom)

Re: Personal Poetry

Postby Eoghan » 2009-02-04, 20:42

KingHarvest wrote:Sorry, that's how we represent rhyme scheme in English. I assumed that it was a common convention.


When, in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes, (A)
I all alone beweep my outcast state (B)
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries (A)
And look upon myself and curse my fate, (B)

Wishing me like to one more rich in hope, (C)
Featured like him, like him with friends possess'd, (D)
Desiring this man's art and that man's scope, (C)
With what I most enjoy contented least; (D)

Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising, (E)
Haply I think on thee, and then my state, (F)
Like to the lark at break of day arising (E)
From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate; (F)

For thy sweet love remember'd such wealth brings (G)
That then I scorn to change my state with kings. (G)

I put spaces between the three quatrains and the final heroic couplet so that it's easier to see the rhyme scheme, but normally they're all just written together like you did. A sonnet also needs 14 lines.


Thanks, now I get it!

KingHarvest
Posts:4168
Joined:2008-03-21, 5:46
Gender:male
Location:New York
Country:USUnited States (United States)

Re: Personal Poetry

Postby KingHarvest » 2009-02-04, 20:48

Welcome! Also, if you want to be really traditional, the first two quatrains usually approach the subject from the same view point or express the same idea and the third quatrain usually introduces a twist or introduces the subject in the new light. For example, in this sonnet that I posted the narrator is sad and weepy in the first two quatrains and the third introduces how happy he is when he thinks about his lover. And the heroic couplet of course sums up the rest of the sonnet or delivers the moral.
Most men are rather stupid, and most of those who are not stupid are, consequently, rather vain.
-A.E. Housman

User avatar
ILuvEire
Posts:10398
Joined:2007-12-08, 17:41
Gender:male
Location:Austin
Country:USUnited States (United States)
Contact:

Re: Personal Poetry

Postby ILuvEire » 2009-02-05, 4:52

I can't believe you got away studying Shakespeare without learning sonnets!
[flag]de[/flag] [flag]da[/flag] [flag]fr-qc[/flag] [flag]haw[/flag] [flag]he[/flag] [flag]es[/flag]
Current focus: [flag]ga[/flag] [flag]ar[/flag]
Facebook | tumblr | Twitter
“We need to make books cool again. If you go home with somebody and they don't have books, don't fuck them.” —John Waters

Eoghan
Posts:2169
Joined:2008-06-12, 9:34
Gender:male
Country:GBUnited Kingdom (United Kingdom)

Re: Personal Poetry

Postby Eoghan » 2009-02-05, 6:17

ILuvEire wrote:I can't believe you got away studying Shakespeare without learning sonnets!


*ehem* I'm still studying Shakespeare... We're supposed to read about the sonnets until today and now, at last I've understood how they're written... We were asked to read the sonnets and try to find a certain pattern. Now that I have reas through the sonnets again I cannot believe that I didn't get the obvious thing... Man I focused on the syllables and completely ignored the rhyming pattern... Jesus... :lol:

KingHarvest
Posts:4168
Joined:2008-03-21, 5:46
Gender:male
Location:New York
Country:USUnited States (United States)

Re: Personal Poetry

Postby KingHarvest » 2009-02-05, 16:46

Well, they do still have to be in iambic pentameter, so it's not like you were wrong to pay attention to the syllables.
Most men are rather stupid, and most of those who are not stupid are, consequently, rather vain.
-A.E. Housman

User avatar
ILuvEire
Posts:10398
Joined:2007-12-08, 17:41
Gender:male
Location:Austin
Country:USUnited States (United States)
Contact:

Re: Personal Poetry

Postby ILuvEire » 2009-02-06, 3:09

Eoghan wrote:
ILuvEire wrote:I can't believe you got away studying Shakespeare without learning sonnets!


*ehem* I'm still studying Shakespeare... We're supposed to read about the sonnets until today and now, at last I've understood how they're written... We were asked to read the sonnets and try to find a certain pattern. Now that I have reas through the sonnets again I cannot believe that I didn't get the obvious thing... Man I focused on the syllables and completely ignored the rhyming pattern... Jesus... :lol:


Oh, I'm sorry apparently I cant tell my tenses apart. :)

Anyway I agree with KingHarvest, the syllables are also important too.

Another thing, which play(s) are you studying? Have you talked about (in R&J) Capulet speaking in couplets, or the servant speaking in prose (also R&J)? I find that interesting...and I have no idea what the point of doing that was.
[flag]de[/flag] [flag]da[/flag] [flag]fr-qc[/flag] [flag]haw[/flag] [flag]he[/flag] [flag]es[/flag]
Current focus: [flag]ga[/flag] [flag]ar[/flag]
Facebook | tumblr | Twitter
“We need to make books cool again. If you go home with somebody and they don't have books, don't fuck them.” —John Waters

KingHarvest
Posts:4168
Joined:2008-03-21, 5:46
Gender:male
Location:New York
Country:USUnited States (United States)

Re: Personal Poetry

Postby KingHarvest » 2009-02-06, 3:44

Because verse is more urbane and sophisticated sounding than regular prose.
Most men are rather stupid, and most of those who are not stupid are, consequently, rather vain.
-A.E. Housman

User avatar
Emandir
Posts:6597
Joined:2002-11-21, 17:37
Real Name:Jean-Luc Bengler
Gender:male
Location:France
Country:FRFrance (France)
Contact:

Re: Personal Poetry

Postby Emandir » 2009-02-10, 17:49

KingHarvest wrote:Not a sonnet :silly: A sonnet (in English) has to be in iambic pentameter and the rhyme scheme has to be ABAB CDCD EFEF GG (or if you want to write a Spenserian sonnet, abab bcbc cdcd ee).

(Not dissing your poem, it's just that a sonnet has a very structured form from which you can't really deviate)

Damn! That's not how I see poetry! Rules are made to be broken! :P
Anyway, French Sonnets are quite different and we're more indulgent nowadays with its classical rules.
So, as for me, Eoghan's poem is a sonnet! And a great one! Bravo! :congrats:

KingHarvest wrote:Sorry, that's how we represent rhyme scheme in English. I assumed that it was a common convention.

I don't know if it's a common convention but we use the same...
Language is the best way men have found to misunderstand each other. Lycodoxos

@Emandir

User avatar
Bubulus
Posts:7647
Joined:2008-08-14, 2:55
Gender:male
Country:CACanada (Canada)

Re: Personal Poetry

Postby Bubulus » 2009-03-20, 0:37

Emandir wrote:
KingHarvest wrote:Sorry, that's how we represent rhyme scheme in English. I assumed that it was a common convention.

I don't know if it's a common convention but we use the same...

Spanish sonnets are ABBA ABBA CDC DCD...
Last edited by Bubulus on 2009-03-20, 0:50, edited 2 times in total.

User avatar
Sean of the Dead
Posts:3884
Joined:2008-10-11, 17:51
Real Name:Sean Jorgenson
Gender:male
Location:Kent
Country:USUnited States (United States)

Re: Personal Poetry

Postby Sean of the Dead » 2009-03-20, 0:43

KingHarvest wrote:Sorry, that's how we represent rhyme scheme in English. I assumed that it was a common convention.


When, in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes, (A)
I all alone beweep my outcast state (B)
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries (A)
And look upon myself and curse my fate, (B)

Wishing me like to one more rich in hope, (C)
Featured like him, like him with friends possess'd, (D)
Desiring this man's art and that man's scope, (C)
With what I most enjoy contented least; (D)

Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising, (E)
Haply I think on thee, and then my state, (F)
Like to the lark at break of day arising (E)
From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate; (F)

For thy sweet love remember'd such wealth brings (G)
That then I scorn to change my state with kings. (G)

I put spaces between the three quatrains and the final heroic couplet so that it's easier to see the rhyme scheme, but normally they're all just written together like you did. A sonnet also needs 14 lines.

What the hell? You can't rhyme "possessed" with "least". /ɛ/ != /i/. :evil:
Main focuses: [flag]kw[/flag] [flag]he[/flag]
Sub focus: Plautdietsch
On my own: [flag]is[/flag]

User avatar
Bubulus
Posts:7647
Joined:2008-08-14, 2:55
Gender:male
Country:CACanada (Canada)

Re: Personal Poetry

Postby Bubulus » 2009-03-20, 0:46

Sean of the Dead wrote:
KingHarvest wrote:[...]

What the hell? You can't rhyme "possessed" with "least". /ɛ/ != /i/. :evil:

Probably in Early Modern English phonology you could...?

User avatar
Emandir
Posts:6597
Joined:2002-11-21, 17:37
Real Name:Jean-Luc Bengler
Gender:male
Location:France
Country:FRFrance (France)
Contact:

Re: Personal Poetry

Postby Emandir » 2009-03-20, 7:21

Rules are made to be broken! You guys sound like old reactionary farts!
Language is the best way men have found to misunderstand each other. Lycodoxos

@Emandir

User avatar
ILuvEire
Posts:10398
Joined:2007-12-08, 17:41
Gender:male
Location:Austin
Country:USUnited States (United States)
Contact:

Re: Personal Poetry

Postby ILuvEire » 2009-03-25, 17:52

Emandir wrote:Rules are made to be broken! You guys sound like old reactionary farts!

Psht, you're one to talk. :twisted:

I can't think of the type of rhyme where you change the pronunciation on a word to fit...(that sentence felt funny)
[flag]de[/flag] [flag]da[/flag] [flag]fr-qc[/flag] [flag]haw[/flag] [flag]he[/flag] [flag]es[/flag]
Current focus: [flag]ga[/flag] [flag]ar[/flag]
Facebook | tumblr | Twitter
“We need to make books cool again. If you go home with somebody and they don't have books, don't fuck them.” —John Waters

User avatar
Emandir
Posts:6597
Joined:2002-11-21, 17:37
Real Name:Jean-Luc Bengler
Gender:male
Location:France
Country:FRFrance (France)
Contact:

Re: Personal Poetry

Postby Emandir » 2009-03-26, 1:12

Image
Language is the best way men have found to misunderstand each other. Lycodoxos

@Emandir

Eoghan
Posts:2169
Joined:2008-06-12, 9:34
Gender:male
Country:GBUnited Kingdom (United Kingdom)

Re: Personal Poetry

Postby Eoghan » 2009-03-31, 21:15

The Lion Fish

For aye,
what but a dragon was he
a gentle being
turned evil by
a long forgotten story of never more
in a country where
horned animals reign
as the ultimate force
of good
and he
a fire-brethren
lost at sea

__________

The Snake

I once read in a book
which my mother gave to me
when the snow was leaving
the ground
and my eyes were red
because I was
burning of fever
that even
Eve was once tempted
to reach into what
was supposed to be hidden
and not for the
eyes of men

_______________

User avatar
Emandir
Posts:6597
Joined:2002-11-21, 17:37
Real Name:Jean-Luc Bengler
Gender:male
Location:France
Country:FRFrance (France)
Contact:

Re: Personal Poetry

Postby Emandir » 2009-04-13, 17:55

    Zwischen den Sternen, wie weit
    Que de distance ! Vois, cette ombre au coin de ton œil, tourne la tête, un arbre naît, au tronc vide et larges feuilles en piques tombantes, mais sans nom, ce n'est rien, place-le devant toi et le nomme : voici, ses piques bougent !
    Masse protéiforme et blanche sur l'azur, informe à l'abord : nuage ! et le voici qui va, par le ciel, porté par le vent ; dragon ! il se couvre d'écailles et vomit du sang ; amant ! il s'alanguit, et s'étire en son lit de soie bleue, nu, étalant ses formes douces et dorées, en une pose expectative dressée ; tu détournes la tête : il a fui !
    Les yeux clos. Ton ouïe vante le souffle des branches ; ta peau brûle l'ardeur du soleil ; dans ta narine éclot la fleur tardive ; et ta bouche formule l'âcre odeur du tabac. Assis au centre du néant, tu électrises le chant d'un grillon, plante du pied la peluche d'une pelouse, agace de tes poils la triple paire de pattes d'une mouche, et nommes le jour !
    C'est en été. Le vent du Nord en rafales s'essouffle – le retard du soleil n'atteint pas le zénith – la rose rose touche à son crépuscule épineux – les ultimes volutes se fondent dans l'air.
    Les yeux ouverts. Les choses prennent forme floue – mais tu dis "vent ! soleil ! rose ! mégot !" et soudain elles se distinguent – ce n'est pas le vent qui est chaud, ni la rose qui s'évapore – le soleil ne décline pas et la cigarette est finie !
    Là, ce chapeau coiffant ce que tu crées orbe de fer, tu le fais crête de montagne – cet orangé émergeant du vert (mais tu les aurais pu peindre différemment) tu l'ordonnes en gerbe de cyclamens !
    Ainsi, chaque matin, décillant tes paupières, il te faut recréer le ciel et la terre, pour qu'il y ait un haut et qu'il y ait un bas, afin d'orienter ta conscience, et tu profères la lumière afin de nommer toute chose. Mais avant cela, il te faut extirper du tohu-bohu ton esprit planant sur le vide. Alors seulement peux-tu envisager le lit et sa sortie, pour enfin consacrer le jour que tu as fait naître…
    O wie unfaßlich entfern.
                    Répliques, Comptes et tributs, 2006
    __________
    notes
    1. Rainer Maria Rilke, Die Sonette an Orpheus, II, 20 : "Entre les étoiles, quelle distance."
    2. idem : "Oh ! quel inconcevable éloignement."

                * * * * *

    Zwischen den Sternen, wie weit
    So much distance! Look, this shadow in the corner of your eye, turn your head, a tree appears, a trunk, empty and wide leaves in falling pikes, but without name, it's nothing, put it before you and name it: here, the pikes are moving!
    Protean and white mass upon the azure, shapeless first: cloud! and here it is going, through the sky, carried by the wind; dragon! it covers with scales and spits blood up; love! it become languid and stretches in its silky bed, naked, spreading its soft and golden shapes, in an expectant stuck up pose; you turn your head: it has gone!
    Eyes closed. Your ear extols the branches breath, your skin sets fire to the sun's ardour; in your nostril hatches the late flower; and your mouth expresses the smell of tobacco. Sitting in the centre of nothingness, you electrify the cricket's song, plant with your foot the lawn's plush, tickle with your finger the triple pair of legs of a fly, and name the day!
    It's in summer. The North wind gets breathless in gusts – the sun's delay doesn't reach the zenith – the pink rose in its thorny twilight – the final curls are melting in the air.
    Eyes opened. Things are taking blurry shape – but you say "wind! sun! rose! butt!" and suddenly they become distinct – it's not the wind that's warm, nor the rose that vanishes – the sun isn't going down and the cigarette is over!
    There, this hat covering what you're creating iron orb, you make it mountain crest – this orange coming out of the green (but you could have painted it differently) you arrange it into cyclamens wreath!
    Thus, every morning, opening your eyelids, you have to recreate the sky and earth, so that there is a high, so that there is a low, in order to get your bearings, and you utter light in order to name every thing. But before this, you have to drag out of the chaos your mind gliding above the void. Only then can you consider the bed and its getting out, to finally devote the day to which you have given rise.
    O wie unfaßlich entfern.
                    Replicæ, Accounts & Tributes, 2006
    __________
    notes
    1. Rainer Maria Rilke, Die Sonette an Orpheus, II, 20 : "Between the stars, such a distance."
    2. idem: "Oh! What an unthinkable remoteness."
Language is the best way men have found to misunderstand each other. Lycodoxos

@Emandir

User avatar
NulNuk
Posts:2116
Joined:2002-06-21, 11:12
Real Name:Nicolas
Gender:male
Location:the great NulKie empire on the Moon

Re: Personal Poetry

Postby NulNuk » 2009-05-28, 15:11

I really haven`t wrote any thing in a long time, I almost forgot this part of the forum! :0o

here is a new song.
(I feel its too short yet, but I`m afraid to ruin it if I add any thing, this song just flow out of me in like seconds, so any thing I add when actually trying to write something might sound alien to the song).


Another April song.

(And now another silly catchy lovely song)

And we know that even though every body else,
would like an April song,
You and I prefer a September song,
that would make me sound so stone.

And instead of roses you would like a glass of blood,
just to make you feel like a vampire,
thats why I like you so.

But when you hold my hand,
we are the perfect couple, from another catchy song,
and thats the coolest thing that I ever felt,
thats why I wrote those silly words, of a lovely April song,
cos that is how I love.
Every thing I write, wrote, or will write, its in my own opinion, for I have no other.
Release me from the duty of being polite and remind you, "I made use of my own brain".


Return to “Literature”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 10 guests