Is this all wrong?

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Yantai_Scot
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Is this all wrong?

Postby Yantai_Scot » 2016-10-22, 10:36

I read the following in a Swiss newspaper a friend's just brought back about the 'Terror' tv programme and I wondered if I could steal the layout for other purposes. Does it work or is it all wrong?

The original- ...<<Terror- Ihr Urteil>> auf SRF 2 behandelte gestern Agend den fiktiven Fall eines Kampfjetpiloten, der einen Passagierjet mit 164 Menshen abschiesst, um 70,000 Menschen vor einem Terror anschlag zu schuetzen.

Now, could I write the following about the hobbit using the above layout?

"Der Hobbit behandelte die fiktive Reisen eines Hobbit, der eine unbekannte Reise mit 13 Zwerge gehen, um zuhause zu bleiben"?

Less formally, if just speaking, could I say the following?

"Der Hobbit is eine Filme ueber eine fiktive Reisen eines Hobbit, die sich entschieden muesen, ob er zu hause bleiben oder eine Reise mit 13 Zwergen machen wollen."

Sorry- really rusty due to long imposed break in study.
Long term aim to speak the following to B2 level:  (zh) (de) (ru)

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linguoboy
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Re: Is this all wrong?

Postby linguoboy » 2016-10-22, 16:50

Disclaimer: IANANS
Yantai_Scot wrote:I read the following in a Swiss newspaper a friend's just brought back about the 'Terror' tv programme and I wondered if I could steal the layout for other purposes. Does it work or is it all wrong?

The original- ...<<Terror- Ihr Urteil>> auf SRF 2 behandelte gestern Agend den fiktiven Fall eines Kampfjetpiloten, der einen Passagierjet mit 164 Menshen abschiesst, um 70,000 Menschen vor einem Terror anschlag zu schuetzen.

Now, could I write the following about the hobbit using the above layout?

"«Der Hobbit» behandelte die fiktive Reisen eines Hobbits, der eine unbekannte Reise mit 13 Zwergen gehenmacht, um zuhause zu bleiben"?

Stylistic points:
1. The original is in the past tense (behandelte) because it's the review of something broadcast the evening before. In general, if you're giving the plot of a fictional work, you would use the present tense, as in English.
2. It sounds bad to me to repeat Reise in the subordinate clause like that.
3. Instead of Reise machen, you could say auf eine Reise gehen.
4. zu Hause is the post-reform spelling, though I think zuhause is still in use.

Yantai_Scot wrote:Less formally, if just speaking, could I say the following?

"«Der Hobbit» ist eine Filme über eine fiktive Reisen eines Hobbits, dieder sich entscheiden muesenmuss, ob er zu Hause bleiben oder eine Reise mit 13 Zwergen machen wollenwill."

Remember that verbs still have to be conjugated in subordinate clauses. If you're unsure which form to use, try restating it as a main clause, e.g.:

"Der muss sich entscheiden"
"Er will (entweder) zu Hause bleiben oder eine Reise...machen"

You wouldn't use "müssen" and "wollen" here, so don't use them in the subordinate clauses above. (Stylistically, the subordinate clause sounds more awkward with will, but again it isn't ungrammatical so.)
"Richmond is a real scholar; Owen just learns languages because he can't bear not to know what other people are saying."--Margaret Lattimore on her two sons


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