Postby Τομάκιος » 2003-05-22, 23:41
Corrections & revisions to E}{pugnator's first link above. Some of these at least venture very much into realms of style, and therefore may be open to debate or even controversy.
>telling which sound conveys each letter
I think you may have accidentally transposed "letter" and "sound",
because "telling which letter conveys each sound" makes more sense.
(Or you could say, "telling which sound is conveyed by each letter."
The use of the verb "telling" in this fashion sounds to me a bit
(and I'm not sure how to put this) less literate. That is, it gives
me the impression that the writer is not so educated. I think that is
a false impression, but, nonetheless, I suggest altering it to, eg,
"explaining which sound is conveyed by which letter(s)."
> Other courses prefer to start
(Perhaps I should have first asked what level or type of criticism
you desire.) Someone like Edwin Newman might caustically point out
that people, not courses, have preferences.
> to start telling some useful
I would expect to see this phrased as "to start giving some useful"
> It includes the Greek, Russian and Korean alphabet (and some grammar) courses
I'm not sure if this is actually grammatically incorrect, but I
definitely criticize it stylistically. I find it jarring to meet
"alphabet" in the singular here, when I expected it to be plural. It
is singular because it is the first half a noun phrase which is split
by a parenthetical expression; I definitely would not split that
noun phrase ("alphabet courses") in this fashion. In fact, I would
reauthor it in this way:
"It includes the Greek, Russian and Korean alphabets, and some grammar
courses as well."
(In my revision, the courses are not specifically Korean; I
could not tell if they were meant to be so in the original.)
> Its picture dramas
Rather than the noun phrase "picture drama", which is unfamiliar to me,
how about using "pictoral drama" ? (You, or others, may not agree
that mine is easier to understand, however!)
> linking them to their sound
I think (but do not swear) that this should be "linking them to their
sounds". (However, I am not certain, because the grammar of "their"
has been somewhat muddled in recent years by alterations to reduce
gender bias, I think.)
> After learning two or three alphabets, learning the next one becomes a pretty hard work.
I am confused by this paragraph. I am not certain if you mean what you
wrote, or if you have used "alphabet" where you meant "letter". The
middle sentence of the paragraph uses "letter", but the other sentences
use "alphabet". (An alphabet is a set of letters, but, you no doubt know
this!)
> Another good way of making new letters easier to be memorized
I think it is simpler to understand as
"Another good way of making new letters easier to be memorize"
and still simpler would be
"Another good way of making it easier to memorize new letters"
> Let us clarify it with an example
The use of the pronoun "it" here jars my ear, although I'm not sure
I can explain why. I would say: "Let us clarify this with an example"
(or, of course, "An example will help clarify this").
> making the alphabet teaching as easy and funny as possible
If you mean as easy for the student as possible (as opposed to, as
easy for the teacher as possible), then I think it would be clearer
to refer to the "learning" rather than the teaching. Also, do you
mean "fun" here, rather than "funny" ? (They are not synonyms, and
"funny" here jars my ears.)
PS: "the alphabet learning" sounds odd, so I would make this
"make learning the alphabet as easy..."
> create some in your own.
I never see it phrased this way; I always see "create some of your own."